I chose the Britannica entry about the Ides of March, because it was published on my birthday this year. I want to also ignore the notion that the 15th is associated with misfortune and doom, because it's my dad's birthday. I rather believe in its other association, 'notable as a day for settling debts.'
After all, I never knew Caesar, only tales of him for more learned men than I. Shakespeare, for one, immortalized both Julius and himself with his work, so why couldn't this day be associated with legacy? I suppose its up to the players still in the game what happens next. The writer and the reader interpret. The stories themselves simply took place, no grander design than that.
It's a pity I don't know very much about my father. I spent so much time with him- close to 27 years- but I didn't spend all those years learning about or understanding him. In fact, later in my years, I found myself disagree with his choices, questioning his chosen direction.
That too was folly, to exert my own will upon him or correct his decisions. I hold no more information others and haven't read more either. I'm sure many of my truths others want to correct too.
I will call him to say happy birthday today. I've only sent a message, but I want to speak to him, pat him on his muscled back. He's short and built with brick. He is a complex one to describe- his good humor almost inappropriate at times or his deafening quiet- no words until he feels has permission to speak uninterrupted.
I want to understand more about him- his choices to heed his own voice, his business attempts and lessons learned. I knew very little about his mother, but met her a handful of times. His father I didn't. I can't tell what is taboo, what is fair. Our family history feels loosely documented, for some reason.
I love my dad. Emmanuel is the strongest man I have ever known. I wonder if his humor and stoicism are foiled by what he keeps within his heart. His grievances, his ambitions. Does he regret anything? Even the most calculated people have things they would do differently given the chance.
Though juvenile in my approach to writing, I am driven by an adult responsibility. I want to archive to records of my family. My parents deserve this, my siblings and I do too. And while only you can write your story, no one can write a family's story like one of its members.
