Well my view is that it's both. You're necessarily born in a culture that already has a value system encoded as words, so the word "woman" for example has a certain specific meaning that females must subscribe to and fashion themselves after, but at the same time feminists have managed to unveil that hidden meaning, and challenge it. So, in other words, a powerful individual or group, can give his own meaning to words. Essentially, words are like anything else in life: they are swords, war vehicles meant to carry our values forward. We are both influenced by them, and influence via them. Generally, I think language is to a large degree just another expression of our 'will to power' let's say. If I may exaggerate: when people talk, what you hear is their values doing battle.
I've added Babel 17 to my amazon wish list. Looks very interesting!
It is very interesting that you reference "woman" having specific meaning. It derives from "wife man," so the very word necessitates reference to "man" to have any meaning. I agree that words are weapons far more dangerous than any man has invented to this day. I recall a scene from "Conan the Barbarian" (1980s version) when James Earl Jone's character educated Arnold about the true meaning of power: "What is a sword compared to the hand that wields it?" and he commands one of his followers to jump to her death.
There is also a fascinating psychological experiment that used perception to control psychiatric patient population. Essentially, the staff cordoned-off an area of the cafeteria as being "reserved" for well-behaved patients. The patients earned tokens for good behavior that they then could exchange for a seat at the "reserved" section. Apparently, the experiment worked very well in patient behavioral control.
It a sense, the "society" that we live in are just collection of unchallenged assumptions. Our unconscious agreements make our reality possible; undermine the assumptions in symbols and tradition, then the entire edifice of society crumbles.