Being within and holding the space

Why is it that I am attracted to the idea of an inner world and an outer world?
Why is it that I divorce these two worlds and always end up kind of dispaired because of doing so?
What is the key to unite my personal self and the ultimate self and where should i search in order to find it?

... are questions passing through my mind after coming home from a nice sweat lodge ceremony in which I kind of found a little more back to myself after some stressed-out time I have had before.
I am not quiet sure about how it is with you, but in my case I experience times of fragmentation and times of reunification.

But is that, how it is to be?

It`s hard for our minds to believe and not only to believe but also to hold onto in conciousness, that that which the five senses are perceiving as the outer world is actually not seperated from the inner world. Humans, animals, plants and stones are not really existing outside of myself neither inside, too. It is more likely that I as I am am not of this world but within this world and united with all beeings beyond as long as I am capable of holding the space within me being me. It is not my self but the Self who is the master of the inner and the outer world and who is enabled to unify both, cause the inner and the outer world are the vehicle of the Self and my self is just a part of it.
It follows that as long as I am willing to live seperately from the Self I won t be capable of being within and holding the space, of connecting duality. I will always do and want things out of a false indenticifation, which is the one with my personal self. Instead of being and attracting what is good for me, I will grasp for things i believe are missing, I start running and mess up again. I act like a donkey ridden by someone else and being guided towards the abyss of dispair.