I came home from work yesterday and learned that my last surviving grandfather had passed away several hours earlier. It did not come as a shock. His health was poor for years and it had been "only a matter of time" for quite some time but I was still deeply saddened to receive the news.
It was cancer and age that killed him, of course. However, I have do doubt that if his post mortem test comes back positive (I was told that they're preforming one this morning), they will count him as another Corona death so that pieces of shit like Joe Biden can politicize my family's loss with his hollow "empty chair at the dinner table" line in an attempt to stir up more of the hysteria that prevented me from visiting my grandfather during his last weeks of life.
I have been preoccupied with fear and panic lately. Not the experience of the emotions themselves but with the profound damage that they causing us and the danger they put us in. Maybe my own experience and how the recent restrictions have affected my ability to see my grandfather before he died are coloring my opinion on the subject. However, I am becoming fed up with what I am increasingly beginning to view as a quasi-religious cult of cowardice and how it is being exploited by corporate and political elites to justify their dehumanizing treatment of the public, excuse themselves for providing fewer and worse services, and, potentially, to further rob us of our personal freedoms and autonomy.
Maybe I am being too harsh because my profession did not allow me to lock down but I fail to see this danger as significantly different from others. I was and still am deemed essential, I work with the public, and I have been asked to do so five days a week since the virus started making its way through this country. I and the others like me had to make our peace with this new threat in our lives. Some took it better than others but all but a few of us have learned to live with it like all the other deadly threats that we face on a daily basis. We can die of cancer or heart attacks but we haven't shut down McDonalds or banned tobacco. Car crashes kill countless men, women, and children every day but we don't fret about hopping in the car and risking our lives down the highway to get a box of donuts. Someone might murder you or me but we don't hide in our houses to avoid being stabbed. We could contract one of the countless other deadly diseases that have plagued us for the span of our history but we never stopped plowing ahead as a species. Why only now must we panic? Why does fighting this virus require subservience instead of our long relied upon resilience and perseverance? Why are weakness, timidity, fear, and all the other things that make us easier to control presented as virtues by the moralizing media? Why are we told to unquestioningly follow the commandments of our new kings and bow to their authority lest we suffer legal consequences or, worse, summon the wrath of Rona, goddess of pain and propaganda, upon us all. Why does this feel more and more like religion every second?
I have never been particularly religious or religious at all, if I'm being honest and I never liked kings or authorities either. The idea of bowing bothers me and gods, kings, and the systems of authority always seem to demand it. They want to lord themselves above us. They revel in reminding us that they possess more power than we do. They enjoy watching us grovel and beg because they only thing that they can't control is our free will (if such a thing exists) and when we willingly come to kiss their feet, they know that they have broken us. Maybe it's just me, but I would rather stand, and fall, and be crushed than live broken and bowing. We may lose if we try to stand against those who would oppress us but it is better to make the attempt and fail than to submit, in my opinion.
Maybe I'm wrong and maybe that last paragraph is blasphemous against all the benevolent gods, and righteous kings, and deserving authorities that may or may not exist but it's how I feel and I stand by it.
I could go on rambling too but I should end here. I'll be back on my next day off.
Peace.
All the images in this post are sourced from the free image website, unsplash.com.
I lost my father in July this year, to cancer and renal failure, at 84...I hadn't seen him to talk to since March as he was locked in a nursing home, and it would not have helped me anyway as he had dementia and didn't know who I was. Two of my brothers were not permitted to come from overseas for the funeral and it was a near thing that my sister and brother were permitted for the funeral as they live interstate. It was difficult.
I empathise with you over your loss and also share your feelings as stated in this post. You certainly say it in a better way than I ever could, however my thoughts are the same. I just wanted to say that.
It's that, above, and so much more, as you mention in paragraph four...Said so eloquently and plainly.
It's been a tough year for so many and I think the residual effects will reverberate for a long time to come, even if just in the recess of our own minds.
This is the first time I've come across your posts but I'm glad it was this one I found.
I wish you the best and hope you keep putting one foot in front of the other; Moving forward.
Thank you and I'm sorry for your loss.
We are having similar issues with family trying to travel to town for his funeral service. This area is said to be rather hard hit at the moment (I honestly can't tell the difference) We decided to do something very small with the immediate family who all live near by but his military honors and memorial will have to wait for a few months.
I think a lot of people are starting to feel as we do but I still see the cult-like people every day at work. They will forget their mask in their car or something. I will tell them that its fine and that I'll still serve them but they almost always run out to get it anyway as though they are committing some kind of sin that will follow them even if they don't get caught by some cop who is board enough to bother to write him a ticket. At times it's comical but I feel like it has be causing some kind of psychological damage to people and trains them to default to a position of compliance (which I don't see as positive).
I hope the send off is a good celebration of his life and the family gain the closure they need. It's a shame the military honours/memorial can't be effected although I suppose we all have to comply with the situation; I don't think it will mean any less for being a little delayed.
Comical is a good way to describe it; Debacle also I guess. If it wasn't happening to us it would almost make for a good comedy skit at times...All the Corona-Chan shenanigans. We just have to grin and bear it though, get through it the best we can...I've lost my patience at times and then there's the emotional effects of it all...A challenging 2020.
I was chatting to a friend today, about all those people who made new years resolutions on 31 Dec 2019...I wonder how they may be going; Shit I'd say. I also wonder how they'll amend them this year. Lol.
Oh well...We'll get through it, hopefully with little lasting effects; That's what I like to think anyway.
Have a good weekend. :)
"It would almost make for a good comedy skit at times"
Haha I suspect we will see that in time, after everyone gets past this panic. I'll look forward to it.
Likewise.
I'm so sorry for your loss...
I hate authorities too even the idea of bowing to my bosses, and if they find out that I am actually a rebel in real life, they will tell everyone that I have an "attitude." It takes a lot of work to pretend like everybody else just you know, to survive.
So you're back to working?
Thank you.
Yeah we do what we have to do but I am getting tired of it. Sometimes I wish I could wander out into the desert and be a hermit or something.
Yeah I tested negative again. It would seem that cure for the virus is weed, cigarettes, energy drinks, and terrible fast food because that is what I was living on while I was off for that 8 days. I'm back now and we have several others out so It's busy. Christmas is coming too and that Holiday is a nightmare a for the shipping industry here so that will probably be the last time off I get for a while.
Good to hear that you finally found the cure for Corona haha.
I hear you. Being surrounded by too many people 8 hours a day 5 days a weel completely overwhelms me. Listening to music helps .
"Being surrounded by too many people 8 hours a day 5 days a week completely overwhelms me."
Tell me about it. This week was bad too. Half the people have been out sick and I am the only one left who has gone to training to handle customers so I have been stuck dealing with everyone who walks in.
Very true - and it's a bit much to deal with sometimes isn't it?
It's a balancing act seeing what is going on but realising that focusing on it makes it more so...
So being aware but focusing elsewhere - I'm still a bit sketchy at maintaining that state.
That kind of balance is difficult to find and I struggle with it at times too. Maybe we all do.
Thank you.