06/01/2005: Withdrawal leads to contemplation or bankruptcy; I can’t remember which.
06/02/2005: When opportunity knocked, he was in the bathroom.
06/03/2005: There is no such thing as “too much reading.”
06/06/2005: Change.
06/07/2005: Thank god for geeks.
06/08/2005: The sun! (Brought to you by General Electric. We bring good things to life.)
06/09/2005: There is not an eternity that can exclude you and be called true.
06/10/2005: What more savage mirror than a child?
06/13/2005: No matter what, divorce sucks.
06/14/2005: When he playfully suggested that she shave off her facial hair, she slapped him silly. . . . She loved her mustache!
06/15/2005: If a message is not received, then it cannot be sent.
06/16/2005: The best choices are the ones that work.
06/17/2005: Electricity is not as important as love. . . . But it’s a close thing.
06/20/2005: Try the new “Stress Diet”: Lose weight while you worry!
06/21/2005: Procrastination doesn’t pay the bills, but it makes them more exciting when the time comes.
06/22/2005: You’re fooling yourself if you think that you can survive the “we need to talk” talk.
06/23/2005: Killed in courtroom. Brain-dead.
06/24/2005: External Advisory Committee meeting at Ponce Hilton. No wisdom, today.
06/27/2005: I forgot. Whatcha gonna do? Kill me?
06/28/2005: Anger is a useful tool, but it makes a terrible raison d’être.
06/29/2005: Nobody is perfect, but some of us are less perfect than others.
06/30/2005: Fear is as common as dirt and just as messy.
07/01/2005: Don’t ask God for money; Heaven’s accountant is filing bankruptcy.
07/05/2005: You can’t heal what you can’t see. [Learning to be less literal.]
07/06/2005: In the book of life, she was page 210.
07/07/2005: Being silly won’t kill you.
07/08/2005: When everything is magic, you can hear the deep hum of the universe.
07/11/2005: What is the exact level of your participation?
07/12/2005: It is not my place to advise you on your fears.
07/13/2005: [For women only] If you like cheese, get a cow; if you like deception, get married.
07/14/2005: Writing is not a substitute for action; first of all, it’s a helluva lot more complicated.
07/15/2005: Do your job. . . . It’s better than a shot to the head.
07/18/2005: What you pay is almost never what you owe.
07/19/2005: I get no kick from champagne, but that smile on your face makes me drunk.
07/20/2005: The value of melodrama shouldn’t be underestimated.
07/21/2005: Let us then eschew the nasty habit of breathing.
07/22/2005: Don’t count time.
07/26/2005: It’s probably just something in the water.
07/27/2005: Justice is a convenient fiction.
07/28/2005: There is never enough time.
07/29/2005: When he asked her for her cell number, her head exploded.
08/01/2005: The expectations of others shouldn’t be a deciding factor.
08/02/2005: Don’t toy with me, evil man; give me that blender.
08/03/2005: Writing tip for the day: Parallel structure is not always possible; it is not always desirable.
08/04/2005: If only I could be a giant.
08/05/2005: Anger is self-defeating.
08/08/2005: Love never gets old.
08/09/2005: Sometimes things end. Sad, but true.
08/10/2005: We feel joy, often, but defeat, never!
08/11/2005: Life comes in waves; be a surfer.
08/12/2005: Wildlife is not convenient.
08/15/2005: Excuse the leg. Can ye still walk then?
08/16/2005: Everyone sees a different secret world.
08/17/2005: You can improve on the fruit, but you can’t change the root.
08/18/2005: Safety is an illusion that the government actively encourages.
08/19/2005: Fill in the blank: I am ______________ perfect.
08/22/2005: Work is not always something you do; at times it is something you are.
08/23/2005: Why is conservation considered to be a form of denial?
08/24/2005: The only downside to living in a ghost town is that ghosts like to party.
08/25/2005: I’m not lazy; I’m the poster child for the Conservation of Energy Foundation.
08/26/2005: Certainty is a comforting illusion.
08/29/2005: Trying to pretend that life doesn’t suck takes a lot of energy.
08/30/2005: The only way up is through the roof. If you can tell me the deeper significance of that statement, then you are better off than I am.
08/31/2005: The wall that they erected couldn’t keep out ideas.
09/01/2005: Wow! Time flies when yer breaking the law!
09/02/2005: I’m not asking for library-quiet, but something less than an elementary-school recess would be nice.
09/06/2005: What you want to hear and what I want to say are not necessarily congruent.
09/07/2005: Have you ever noticed that people who speak in pronouncements rarely get anything done?
09/08/2005: The war between the hedgehogs and the gerbils was called on account of cuteness.
09/12/2005: Taxes are never just.
09/13/2005: I had me a albatross what slowed me down a piece.
09/14/2005: Trust the comedy.
09/15/2005: When did unhappiness become the norm?
09/16/2005: Sometimes parents feel impelled to get their own way with their kids because they so rarely do in the other aspects of their lives.
09/19/2005: I have a mandate from the people: Screw ‘em! [President Bush’s not-so-secret fantasy.]
09/20/2005: We all want it all.
09/21/2005: I won’t call you “stupid” again if you take your head out of that pot of liver stew when you talk to me.
09/22/2005: The effortless dance of frictionless thought.
09/23/2005: There is an upper limit, but we usually only know what it is after having passed it. ALT: There is an upper limit, but how do you know when you have reached it?
09/26/2005: Starvation is no substitute for practice. – from The Starving Artist Handbook.
09/27/2005: Honor tells you what you should do; pragmatism tells you what you can do; the government tells you what you will do.
09/28/2005: There is no greater bitterness than that which is caused by routine.
09/29/2005: We take comfort in our routines because they are the only things that we can control with any degree of confidence.
09/30/2005: The role of the Geek in society is crucial; without him (or, increasingly, her), we are forced to think for ourselves.
10/03/2005: In the eternal battle between love and another cup of coffee, the coffee wins out every time.
10/04/2005: Ending relationships can be as difficult as starting them.
10/05/2005: First, find a good title; the rest will come.
10/06/2005: My wife is like New England; if you don’t like the weather, just wait ten minutes.
10/07/2005: Life is better with your eyes open.
10/10/2005: Learn as much as you can about everything.
10/11/2005: Numbers are more predictable than people, but they’re no fun on a date.
10/12/2005: For God’s sake, it’s only water. [In Puerto Rico, people seem to lose all ability to cope with anything when it rains.]
10/13/2005: Don’t worry: your hopelessness will eventually give way to despair.
10/14/2005: The last time she called, her anger was bigger than a breadbox.
10/17/2005: Like it or not, Stephen King is a Great American Voice.
10/18/2005: A grave is the last place you’ll look.
10/19/2005: I’m not as sophisticated as you; do you mind if I fart?
10/20/2005: Please take your politics away from here.
10/21/2005: I do not subscribe to the “dress for an accident” school of fashion.
10/24/2005: Be wary of men with ponytails.
10/25/2005: There is a degree of comfort that is more dangerous than danger is.
10/26/2005: A good cup of coffee rivals sex; a bad cup of coffee is still better than a kick in the nuts. [Unused alternate: Is coffee better than sex? Hmmmm.]
10/27/2005: Luxuries are the things we would die to have; necessities, we would have or die.
10/28/2005: No guts, no digestion.
10/31/2005: I was living in the past, but my visa expired.
11/01/2005: It’s great that you don’t care that I’m bald, but must you trumpet the fact to every passerby?
11/02/2005: Your parents were the best in the world? You can be, too. They were the worst? You don’t have to be.
11/03/2005: Stress might kill you, but at least it keeps you busy.
11/04/2005: There are only so many ways to be patient, then you just have to kill somebody.
11/07/2005: Maintaining the status quo is not always bad.
11/08/2005: When you want to get ahead, remember to brush and floss; chances are bad breath will be something of a barrier.
11/09/2005: No one capable of orgasm is bloodless. Remember that the next time you talk to your boss.
11/10/2005: If your addictions don’t define you, you’re not doing it right.
11/11/2005: Three marriages have been enough to teach me that, while intelligence is not necessarily obliterated by love, lust is one hell of an eraser.
11/14/2005: Underneath it all, he was really a bastard.
11/15/2005: Jeff isn’t used to the smog; he keeps breathing.
11/16/2005: The answer is almost always 27; it’s the question that we can’t seem to pin down.
11/17/2005: It easy to forget that children are separate humans, but don’t.
11/18/2005: Fridays can’t seem to get away from the future.
11/21/2005: Mondays are better than nothing.
11/28/2005: Being thankful is more difficult than complaining.
11/29/2005: Bernice lost her virginity in an unfortunate incident involving three half-tame yaks and a stolen box of stale Cracker Jacks.
11/30/2005: If you have to talk about it, you probably aren’t doing it right.
Congratulations @chimerasong! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
You can view your badges on your Steem Board and compare to others on the Steem Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOP