Before I got into philosophy, I used to be an avid student of politics. The current state of politics where I'm from could make that seem like a major leap, but regardless it was part of what made me who I am and how I got here. I find it interesting when I hear people like my buddy @aggroed mention the Non-Aggression Principle, because I feel that it's become fundamentally associated with libertarian ideals. I tend to think it stands on its' own merit and it's a good principle to help discuss my topic today. What is the difference between aggressive and assertive behavior?
I feel that these two are mistaken by many, but once we understand assertive behavior the differences become very clear. Aggression is the opposite of passive behavior, but there are ways to manipulate that as well through passive-aggressive behaviors and actions. People using aggressive tactics usually disregard any concerns of others in their pursuits and view things as competitive. I tend to look at life now as a collaborative effort and value the contributions of others, but I realize not everyone sees things that way and I can usually still work well with both passive and aggressive people depending on the task at hand.
I would say the simplest way to understand passive behaviors is "letting things happen and being at the mercy of others" and aggressive as "making things happen with no regard for others' well-being." If we view those two as opposite ends of the same spectrum, I would say assertive behavior lands squarely in the middle. Assertive behavior recognizes the needs and desires of others and defends its' own interest. We seem to live in a predominately "dominating society" where there always has to be a winner and loser, but if we shift that view towards cooperation and collaboration, we can learn to be assertive and defend our own well-being without being aggressive towards anyone else. This often leads to opportunities to do better together through cooperation.
Assertive behaviors generally require a higher level of self awareness as we must be willing to be self reflective of our own behaviors and determine when they are being harmful or infringing on the rights of others. If we are aware enough of our own actions and intentions and respect the rights of others then we naturally treat them as equals. I feel that the blurry area is when it comes to firmly upholding and defending our own rights that people mistake assertive behaviors as aggressive in nature. Aggressive individuals will often need to talk over or put down the person they are speaking with and take the same stance in business. Assertive individuals on the other hand will hear and respect the other while firmly maintaining their own beliefs or interests and looking for ways to either work together or part in peace. I think it can be summed up best as, "Do no harm and take no shit."
It's at this point that we can see the ways that assertive behavior differs greatly from passive behavior as well. Where a passive individual may be willing to let an aggressive individual dominate them or infringe upon their own rights, an assertive person will not allow that to happen willingly. Assertive individuals do not use violence as a form of intimidation or control, but will use it to protect themselves. This exact issue is why I can't consider myself truly pacifist. I would have no problem killing someone in self defense or forcefully stopping someone from stealing from me, where a passive or purely pacifist individual would be more willing to let something like that happen and just be okay making it out alive. Personally I don't think oppression is ever acceptable and I don't aim to dominate anyone, but I do believe it's my responsibility to enforce those limits for myself if it comes down to it. Namaste.
Being assertive is awesome I actually did a course on it at work. It was the little things that helped such as trying to change your language when confronting somone with a problem. By this I mean saying "I" instead of "you". For example I feel that this happened because ..... as oppossed to you Why didnt you do this .....
:) That's a good skill to learn stick!
I believe that kids tend to be either aggressive, or passive, and as we grow up, we hopefully learn how to find the balance in most of the situations.
I also think that assertiveness is something that comes with practising. It is important to say 'no' when you really mean 'no', and to stand the unpleasant feeling that comes with it. It is also important to build courage to express your real emotions, and to ask for things proactively instead of just expecting from the others to sense what you want.I was actually about to write the same as you, @stickchumpion!
I agree asking for things proactively is the key , the worst is passive aggression where you get annoyed cause your work colleagues cant mind read.
Love the use of the dont tread on me flag, really sums it up nicely with one picture :)
To be assertive we need first to have a properly developed inner strength and self esteem. And this is the only way to maintain peace.
By definition, a passive person won’t stop something bad from happening, and an aggressive person will probably be the one making the bad thing happen. So the assertive person is the one that fix the problems and resolve the situation.
Besides, being asserting makes us easier to overcome obstacles and to grow as individuals
It is wonderful to witness so many participating in this ongoing uplifting of human consciousness.
Keep on keeping on!
It’s almost a cliche you got to be assertive but not aggressive.Drawing the line between aggressiveness and assertiveness is always a difficult proposition. Awesome share @clayboyn Looking forward for more :)
Very true.
There are three types of people in this world.
The passive,aggressive and the assertive ones
The passive person lets other people pull him down. The aggressive person acts according to emotions and the assertive one would weigh the pros and cons of his actions. But lets be honest. We are these 3.
I would only add those 'passive aggressive' as the fourth type of communication patterns. Those who have 'aggressive' intentions (to get something for themselves regardless of the needs of the others), bu. t implementing them in the passive way (ignoring the messages, 'forgetting' about the agreements or promises, always being late, etc.) :)Well said, @sakura1012!
Wow thats a great logical thought. ! Havent thought of that though. Passive agressive response. A combination of being aggressive and executing it in a passive way. Amazing @katarinamiliv
Thanks! :)
I wrote a bit more about it here, you can have a look if you want :) https://steemit.com/psychology/@katarinamiliv/learn-psychology-with-me-2-different-perspective-on-personality-disorders
sure id happy to. thanks !
I think assertive tends to tow the line without going to either extreme.
Yes. I think it serves as a median between the too good and the too bad aspects of us.
That's very informative.. Thanks for share 😊
Exterminate! KO ROUND 1!
hahahahaha!
I am taking that to my awesome-nice-great-post comments right now. LOL