The ability to love is as much art as any other, it is a pity that it is not taught in schools. In fact, someone who knows how to win a person over will be more successful than someone who has more talent but does not have communication skills. If you hold a senior position, working as a teacher, lecturer , salesman, journalist, you just have to understand how to win over people.
Ask a provocative or unexpected question
Perhaps, even not on topic. That will help to talk even the most closed person. An example is known with a journalist who went to an interview with a physicist who previously worked at a classified facility. Traditionally, such people are not particularly talkative. And the journalist began to communicate with a completely unexpected question: why atoms are always depicted round, not, for example, triangular. The physicist also pondered, and then came a very interesting conversation.
Tell about itself
Sincerity and spontaneity will help to win a person in communication faster than all the skills and methods of manipulation combined. If it seems to you that the interlocutor does not really go to contact, start with a conversation on a foreign topic and tell him about what is now of concern to you. Then there's the space for communication.
Contemplate
You yourself are the closest person for you. Your friend is closer all himself. That's why, that man opened up and began to trust you, you can try to be like him. Copy his body movement and speech. If people in the conversation stood up and walk around the room, too, can stand up, if he knocks on the table with a pen, can be same table, tapping a finger. It shouldn't look comical, but it should.
The same applies to the voice and tempo of speech, intonations. May they be like you. If a person is sitting, it is good if your face is on the same level with the face of the person with whom you are talking. You can change the voice. A lower voice and smoother speech inspires much more confidence.
Feel free to challenge
Do not try to please a person. It will be better to seek to like you. It will only enliven the conversation. So, one post-graduate student during the defense of the thesis asked opponents to ask him questions more abruptly. As a result, opponents tried not so much to fill up the young man, how many to think up interesting questions. So the graduate student turned opponents into objects of the own assessment. Many people are used to chattering, but slow speech inspires much more confidence. So, speak slowly.
Show interest in the topic
Never noticed that if someone finds a person with the same hobby and the same interests as himself, then considers him almost a relative? Take this feature into service. Ask the person to explain the most important points to reiterate what he considers the most important, etc. If the other party is too arrogant, did not recognize that the topic is not good. Better ask around. Even if you are very far from the topic, try to find in it something for themselves.It's related.
Make relevant compliments
To raise the self-esteem companion, simply necessarily. To speak after five minutes of meeting her that he is the smartest man in the world, it is not necessary and even ridiculous. But notice something interesting and highly to appreciate it must. In order to learn to notice and compliment, train on the street, in public transport, in shops. Our people are not used to unexpected compliments, but it is interesting to watch the reaction. However, if a person is arrogant, it will be appropriate and real flattery.
The significance of the interlocutor can be increased other way. Be sure to say that what a person says is very interesting, write down the main and repeat the most significant phrase.
Choose an individual style of communication
Think about what is important to your interlocutor, what can hook him and what he wants. Here you need to be a little psychologist, and it is still good to understand that all people want recognition and understanding. But any person need to listen to the way the doctor case of the patient. Just keep quiet and give a person the opportunity to tell everything he sees fit and share their feelings. The ability to listen is a rare thing, so you can easily win the trust and sympathy of a person.
In any case, don't forget to always call a person by name. The secret is that people can pass a lot of things by their ears, but their own name is not. Find out the name, and then, during the conversation, say it at least three times. This simple technique works wonders. The same rule is relevant when communicating by phone, as well as by e-mail and in social networks.
Share your feelings and talk about your reaction
If you are interested and positive emotions, then share them liberally. And if negative-it is better to talk about them as an observation and from the point of view of the observer.
Smile
About this secret and wrote classics like manipulator Dale Carnegie, write about it and contemporaries-the authors of the 21st century. But keep in mind, they had in mind not a Hollywood grin, but a real and sincere smile. After all, the man with a smile on his face evokes more sympathy than gloomy and angry face.
That smile was real, remember the people you love something nice, or just a happy moment in life and smile…
Ask the right questions
It is better to start any question with "Tell me". This will give a detailed answer, which can turn into a heart-to-heart conversation. Do not forget that the more one speaks, the greater the sympathy felt about you.
Relax
People busy not much has to communicate. Therefore, before an important conversation with a stranger, you can meditate or just take a dozen breaths deeper.
Think about something nice. This will change for the better and facial expression, and the style of communication, and look.
Follow the source
For the facial expressions of the interlocutor, for his plasticity. And not only to contemplate, but also to understand what thoughts are hidden behind his words. So you will better understand all the nuances of speech of the interlocutor and be able to understand when the conversation turned in the wrong direction for you. It is equally important to follow all the gestures and facial expressions of a person: so it will be easier for you to understand where he is lying.
And most importantly, never lose confidence, positive and optimistic. Positive people to communicate have and always inspire confidence.
Sounds like the foundations for "How to Make Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie; it's good advice. As I matured, I found that building on those concepts with genuine interest and empathy were the best tools in my chest for success in all facets of life.