We can get in our own way sometimes. We can prefer to stick to the comfortable lies that we have become attached to. Being torn away by unpleasant truths can be quite painful. But it's better to know the truth no matter how hard it is to face, rather than keep living in a lie.
Made by @krnel
If you are doing something wrong, wouldn't you want to know? Wouldn't that knowledge allow you to stop doing it and no longer do something wrong? How much courage do we have to honestly face ourselves when we do something wrong? We shouldn't be in fear of recognizing our faults or errors. We can grow past them if we choose to.
But this requires that we honestly take responsibility for the actions we do. We can't deny them or ignore what they were. The reality of our behavior being called out as wrong is something that our delicate sensitive ego-selves doesn't like to face or admit to. We are often quite fragile psychologically. We often get too attached to ourselves to be able to honestly see what we are doing.
Our actions reflect us at the time. We can change and no longer do an action into the future. But when something is done, it's done, and we can't undo it.
When trying to honestly face what we have done, or getting others to face what they have done, some people believe there is a need to differentiate between the actions and the actor that created them. This is done in order to prevent shame, guilt and the negative connotations that come with facing a wrong-action, to make it seem like the person themselves isn't under "attack" and doesn't "defend" themselves by rejecting what they don't want to accept about what they did.
The idea is to deceive someone into being able to honestly look at the wrong-actions, by dissociating them from their actions. Convince the ego-self-"I" that everything is safe, no one is "attacking" them or their attachment to false beliefs that they have adopted as part of their identity/self. We have issues being able to let go and detach from our attachments to honestly evaluate them, unless we train ourselves to value doing that in our pursuit of truth and to better ourselves.
If I can get you to accept that your actions are not "you", you will be more comfortable in looking at the actions without automatically associating it with yourself. Rather than honestly being able to recognize what you did, you the actor wants to not recognize what you actually did in reality, but instead to just look at it as an action itself without blame, shame, or guilt of it coming from you. This is mental gymnastics.
Someone can convince you (because you want to believe it) that your actions are separate from you, as if they don't come from you. This self-deception is done in an attempt to get you to listen to someone without getting defensive about what you did. In many cases, people won't even look at what they did, as they engage in automatic nonthinking responses rather than engage in voluntary critical thinking processes to honestly evaluate if something is true or not. Facing the mirror is often hard to do. The darkness looking back at us is not desirable to see.
But the truth is that actions represent a person and who they choose to be at the time. Rather than accept reality as it is, I'll just con you into believing you're not responsible for the actions you did, it's not "you", ok? Then you can honestly deal with yourself by not dealing with yourself, right? Isn't it absurd, the level of cognitive dissonance and denial we are in at times just because we don't wan to acknowledge the possibility that we may have done something wrong.
I don't play these dissociative mind games with myself or others. Bypassing reality by convincing someone that they aren't their actions, or that they aren't responsible for their actions, is pure folly and an unreality. Getting people to honestly face themselves in the mirror is what is required for the world to get better and be a real, true and honest place for all our benefit.
Enough of trying to prevent people from feeling the wrongs they engage in. Truth is the way out. See and feel the reality of what your actions have done, not hide from them because you can't handle being wrong or having done something wrong. The way to more right is to let go of what's wrong, and that can't happen if you can't admit being wrong or keep holding onto what's wrong.
Comforting lies about ourselves are more desirable than facing the hard unpleasant truth about what we are doing. Comforting lies placate our delicate sensitive egos, but the unpleasant truths are what will awaken the true self.
Thank you for your time and attention. Peace.
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Neither do I. It helps immensely when choosing the right actions, although it can still be difficult when there are shades of grey one can insert from personal preference. Castaneda referred to the ego as the Tonal, the unknown mystery of our being the Nagual. Talking of the fragility of the tonal, and how many who might wish to become warriors from living a life of indulgence would at the beginning treat their tonal (ego) with much kindness to keep it from doing oneself harm as you pried away its falsehoods.
I can say (and I know you must know this) that despite having much of the tonal under my control, the attachments had with others I care deeply for is often a weakness as their need to indulge clashes with my matter of fact way. Not that I am perfect, but many times the problems I face are due to submitting in these actions those I love demand, choosing to pick my battles. It can be very draining.
Yup, to keep the "connection" alive, we have to compromise. Identification with others is tied to the ego-personality-identity construct as I call it. We associate, identify and connect, and then become attached. Then our attachment leads us despite our principles conflicting :/ Oh to be human and care to be accepted and remain in the lives of others... ;)
Actually, we don't want us to be seen with contempt. We don't like someone telling us bad in front of us or look us with contempt and hatred. We want ourselves to be known as the dominant personality. When we get exposed, we seldom feel guilt for our deeds. Instead of it, we feel sorry for ourselves thinking that our careless behavior was the reason of this outcome. We don't like to face reality because of these reason. Our ego prevents us from facing reality as reality can bring embarrassment for us.
But actually this attitude comes from escapism. We are not bold enough to face reality. It demands to be very courageous to accept reality. This is the real courage.
Yes, we need to get over ourselves though to see if we are in the wrong in order to admit it and move forward. Being wrong is embarrassing indeed, but staying wrong is worst because then you lay in your wrongness like a blanket ;) Courage and care are the base that allow us to face and accept truth/reality indeed.
THE NAKED TRUTH
One day Truth and Lie went out together for a walk in the forest.
"It's such a sunny day!" Lie told to Truth. Truth looked around and indeed it was a beautiful day. She didn't answer back and continued walking.
Eventually Truth and Lie reached a stream of clean and refreshing water. Lie touched the water and sad to Truth:
"The water is wonderful! Let's take a swim!"
Truth did not believe Lie and touched the water herself. Lie was not deceiving her - indeed the water was warm and pleasant for a swim.
"Okay", Truth told to Lie, "Let's swim."
They both undressed and dived into the stream. But it was not for a long time until Lie jumped out of the stream and stole Truth's clothes. Lie dressed with Truth's dress and ran away, leaving the naked Truth behind.
Lie was so proud with Truth's clothes that she paraded through the world dressed as Truth. People were so impressed with Lie's appearance - she was so splendid and beautiful looking like Truth! She even sounded wonderful!
Enraged, Truth came out of the stream to look for the Lie and retrieve her belongings. People were turning their eyes when they saw the naked Truth, or simply chose to ignore it and rather look at the beautifully dressed Lie.
Since then Lie is walking around the world dressed as Truth, satisfying the needs of the ones who are too afraid to look for the naked Truth.
LOL. What a good story. I will put it to my collection of storytellings. Wonderful. :)
It is really nice indeed!
Good story. Where does it come from?
I think it's some sort of a myth.
What a story!
I believe folks condition themselves to lie and be dishonest. At first it is uncomfortable and scary. In time their conscience becomes numb and they find a natural (to them) comfort in this. Their compass of right and wrong gets twisted and becomes upside down or Orwellian. Now dong right is uncomfortable and awkward. A lie is natural for them. They need help in rediscovering truth, conscience and their inner spirit. Without outside help, they are drugged and altered from true reality. They need to kick the drug of lies. Only then will they take responsibility for their part in this false reality. Thanks @krnel
Well said. The core can be awakened and cleansed by caring for truth and set the compass right again, which sets the world right in the long term.
Oh, the topic of my passion)
I definetely choose unpleasant truth.
but not all people need Truth< especally if it's unplesant;)
they all are happy in their sweet dream, and they don't want to wake up.
and should we wake them up?
I tried. With passion. Many times.
I wanted to help. Sincerely.
But then I realized I have no choice to make them live MY life. It's Their choice, a wrong one (as I think) but they've a right to be wrong and make their own mistakes.
I've a small group in the social web and there I post different info about medicine, food, health, vaccination that is far from the common people's perception but close to the real essence of things. And what do you think? people start to leave the group;)) they don't need the truth)
when I posted only stupid pictures and funny mems, then it was popular, truth isnt popular.
but I choose the truth. I will post for myself only, but it will be the truth)
All people do need truth, but not all people want truth ;) Many don't,a nd reject it indeed. Waking ppl up doesn't work all the time... It's not your life, it's truth. You can choose to speak it, and they can choose to ignore it though.
Truth isn't popular indeed. Peopel don't want the stuff that makes them think or face reality honestly. They just want the happiness delusion and pleasure trap to feel good. It's sad. Until that desire is mitigated, then we're never going to fix the problems in the world, because ppl dont care to, and just want to have fun, laugh, etc. and not give a shit about things that take them away from their happy self-deluded state.
yes, right you're..
they don't want the truth
and when it touches just strangers - ok, it's their choice, but when it's about our beloved people, our relatives? If you see they are wrong, do we have a right to insists and correct them? Or is it their own mistakes, and we shouldn't be leaders of their life?
It's so painful to see they go in a wrong direction..
many respected and wise people way we shouldn't rule other people's life even if they're wrong. it's their won experience.
what do you think?
Lies are the new truth in the 21 century . It’s more like a cover up of someone they “want” to be
We can than post-modernism and subjectivism for laying the ground works for the "post-truth" blame fake-news era.
@krnel, Yes, in my opinion in our life's journey everyone face this phase where we ignore the reality and we still follow the untruthfulness.
But we have to understand one thing soon and that is if agree the truth then in future it will going to give less pain.
Truth can be delayed but we cannot hide truth because today or tomorrow truth will going to reveal itself.
So, if we walk on the path of truth then our life will going to become easy because truth can give pain but it will lead us where we want to reach.
Wishing you an great day and stay blessed. 🙂
Well, truth can be revealed, but people can still ignore, deny and reject it :/ Living in a fantasy unreality is doable :/ We need to care more for truth than ourselves, then we can let go of ourselves and accept the truth that can change us for the better ;)
Absolutely true words and let's hope that we all will pursue the truth instead of Fantasy World. Stay blessed. 🙂
A wise man once said "History repeats itself, because people fail to learn from history." Applying this quote to your article, the best way to avoid recurrences of errors of our lives is by evaluation: making out time to find out what made us carry out that action in the first place and seek for ways to prevent it from happening. So, a genuine personal evaluation is needful. Great post!
Yes, logic, analysis, evaluation, discernment, judgment. People need to think more.
True, but very few people engage in the art of thinking productively these days!
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I share my lie. When I was in college I thought that 90% of people in my class are stupid and agressive. Now I understand that it's only their reaction to my actions. I did bad things in first days. I called one guy that he is a gay, because he wear earring, for example.
It was my fault. I was agressive first. I didn't socialise with them.
Nice article
It's interesting that you know so much of this process and I was nodding all the way long. But here I would beg to differ.
Because it's reality that people do hide from their actions and can't handle being wrong or having done something wrong. The message that they should not do so, nevertheless is not enough.
How about a differentiation?
I agree that one should not play mental games in order to give someone an insight he has not asked for. In particular in close relationships this would be a highly disturbing attempt as the knowledge about this method can be misunderstood as manipulative. Besides, people are really good in sniffing that out and would reject you.
But in the context of working with people in the realm of therapy and consultancy in the therapist-client relationship it's a valid and acknowledged method to use.
Because there are people indeed who have huge difficulties to take on responsibility and suffer a great deal in their work or relationships. They seek for advice. In the onset of this therapeutic or consultancy client relationship you inform your client about the setting and you guide him exactly through this dissociation process to make certain actions visible first. After having looked at it in this way, your duty as a therapist or consultant is to re-ingegrate the action into the total of the person, so to speak. People who have difficulties to face the full impact of their actions and therefore deny their responsibility get through this method the chance to near themselves in little steps. The final goal is to help one to mature and to behave responsibly with his full existence.
To summarize: Dissociate the action from the person. Make the problem visible and work on it. When insight happens ask the client how he would integrate a solution to this particular problem and what this solution could be. Give symbols or anchors or work on them with the client to pave a transfer path into the daily life. If the client succeeds he will have a positive experience and can make transfer to other issues, too.
Other fields in which this also can take place is the care sector as in schools where the teacher is, for example, dealing with a student always coming late. If he would just declare that coming late is unacceptable and punishes the student he might miss that this disturbing behavior points towards a problem the student makes him aware of. So "coming late" is actually not the real problem but does point at something else.