I am struggling every day to live in this world. This doesn't mean I am unhappy all the time, on the contrary, but each day that goes by I am trying to figure out what is my role, what are my beliefs, and what I can do to make things better.
As the years have gone by I have witnessed (through media both mainstream and alternative) disaster after disaster, natural and man made. I've watched the spectrum of reactions to these awful events, I've been mesmerised by the horror, and then gutted by the realisation that the scale of the horror seems to matter to our reactions. A terror attack that kills and injures scores is deserving of more airtime than one that kills a couple. I'm guilty. When I left for work on Monday I caught a report of a lone gunman in Las Vegas just as I switched off the TV. I thought, another one, and left to begin my day. As the day progressed, the true horror of what had transpired unfolded. But seriously I should have been just as horrified at the couple of knife attacks that had been reported earlier in September. (I can't even remember where!!!)
Conspiracy theories leave me reeling. I know mainstream news in a brainwashing tool, but often I feel conspiracy theories are doing exactly the same thing. Conspiracy theorists also clearly act from the bias of their personal beliefs. I'm at the stage where if I don't witness an event myself, I can't believe anything reported about it. Which leaves me feeling increasingly suspended in a bizarre kind of limbo. The more I read and the more points of view I consider, the more confused I am. (And I read a lot.)
For example, here are some recent thoughts I have had following the Las Vegas horror. Many conspiracy theorists have pointed out the function of the attack was to bring about more regulations, especially in regards to gun control in the USA. Common sense tells me that easy access to unlimited deadly weapons is a very dangerous thing. The budding anarchist in me resents the government control of increased gun legislation. So I support and don't support gun control at the same time.
Recently I have been thinking we as humans have created the world we deserve to live in. I hate it that we are controlled like puppets by governments and who knows what dastardly shadow organisations behind them. I hate it that we have send our loved ones to wars that really have nothing to do with us. I hate it that funds are are diverted into the pockets of a few while the majority of the population of this world starves. I especially hate pointless bureaucracy that consumes everyday citizens to the point where have no space left for actually living. Anarchy sounds very attractive. BUT I fear we are not mature enough to deal with the freedoms we seek. I fear anarchy would quickly descend into the type of scenes we see in apocalyptic B-movies, as we as humans are generally lazy, selfish and jealous. So I do and don't support anarchism.
On a more personal level, these last 4 years for me, has caused a great deal of reflection. It began when I reached breaking point with dealing with the constant stress of owning a struggling small business and trying to keep my children fed, educated and a roof over their head. My stresses now are exactly the same as they were then, but in these last 4 years I think I have grown enough to grant them their appropriate space in my life, rather than let them consume me.
The first significant event I experienced was beginning yoga classes. The philosophy of yoga resonates with me. It helped me to slow down and appreciate the calm that comes from living in the moment. Actively trying to practice the principle of non-attachment helped alleviate much of my stress. The physical practice of yoga also has a very calming effect on me. But truthfully, I had also allowed myself to be taken advantage of, by always taking people at face value.
It was also during this 4 year period that I made a new friend. The first true friend I have had since high school. She, somewhat brutally systematically stripped away my illusions about people and allowed me to see the unpleasant truth behind the fake smiles. This was difficult for me, as I have actually had to grow some and stand up for myself a bit more. I was also left feeling extremely disillusioned about humanity, as it seems everybody has an ulterior motive. I became very (for me) hard. Following yoga on social media also exposed me to a lot of "positive thinking" bullshit. But at the same time I do believe in the genuine effort of meditation and prayer.
All my experiences have left me with a sense of permanent cognitive dissonance, and seems, to me, humanity's problems are insurmountable. But then I look at my children, and some of their friends. They seem somehow different. Definitely less materialistic, and less apt to subscribe to the norm. Not all children are like this unfortunately, society's brainwashing has been too strong. Are enough children different to effect future change? I worry about this, and additionally it feels unfair to place the responsibility of our shit onto them.
The point of this somewhat long and convoluted blog (mirroring a fraction of my thoughts), is to try and determine what role I play in this crazy situation called life. What can I, a middle-aged, financially poor, woman from South Africa, do to make a difference. The only thing I can think of is to be real, to love unconditionally, but not be a New Age fool. And as @everlove mentioned in a comment, to hold space for the next generation, with the hope they can do better.
@onetree
images: pixabay
I have the same business as you here in the states and it's been rough too, but at least I like it and Im my own boss. It's tough raising kids knowing the systems are a lie and most people are fake and all the evil everywhere.... I don't know what to tell you accept you basically just read my mind and stole my blog post.
Hahahaha, sorry for that ;) It seems at least there are a few of us around.
I've been thinking a lot about consensus reality versus actual reality these days. It's hard to know what to believe when we have so much information at our fingertips. It felt simpler when you could just pick up the New York Times (the "newspaper of record" - hah!) and figure, if you got through that, you had a pretty good idea what was going on.
Having to think for ourselves about everything that's going on is a massive cognitive burden. I think we've got to pick our causes and focus on what's important to us personally. Local causes and our personal careers/interests.
I know Tim Ferris (author of Four Hour Workweek) refuses to read the news. If it doesn't relate to his direct sphere of influence, he's not interested. And maybe there is some wisdom to that.
"Cognitive Burden" - perfect expression. The advice is sound, but possibly there is an element of addiction to wanting to know what is going on? For me at least. I will have to work on it.
Hello @onetree i belive we are all overwhelmed of the turbulent energy of the time we live. I resonate with you. Follow your bless and your pasion that very powerfull. When you feel lost in your mind it is time to stop it. Meditation is a way of leting go of thinking but you cant force it :) so it is a triky practice it take commitment but definitely it worthed.
Thank you for your kind words. You are very right, I do need to slow down more, and meditate more.
I liked this one, it mirrors what I think
Be kind to yourself! Enjoy life when you remember yourself. By being 'awakened' and the awareness of being will give invisible vibrations and energy to change things without knowing. Actions which include thinking and intention (called karma) have consequences. That's why sages of old live their lives without the intention of causing harms to other sentient beings. Good karmas without wanting (ego's reaction) it to be so.
That's why the Zen master says' action without acting!' or 'doing without doing anything'.
The mind is a wonder! Emptiness is the key! Do things with an empty mind; empty of 'our ego', only love and compassion will heal all.
The principles of righteousness still guide towards good karma/actions. Respect yourself and don't let others harm you, protect yourself and your loved ones before you can look after others. Just let go of the rubbish, choose only good finds for your 'house' or 'mind'.
Light reading: http://www.sapphyr.net/buddhist/buddhist-quotes.htm
Cheers.
Wonderful advice. Possibly I should let go of wanting to know the truth. I think my mind definitely needs some emptying. Thank you for the link and the very kind bellyrub vote.
Life is a very tough journey i feel you i have a story that that expands over 17 years of legal battle concerning fraud and corruption to the highest levels and when i close the final chapter i will tell the world about it to try and warn and educate people not to fall in the same trap :)
Stay strong and always do your research to the full extend and if you still don't feel comfortable move on. Patience has been my survival because i believe karma always steps in.
He who seeks happiness
By hurting those who seek happiness
Will never find happiness.
Upvoted and Resteemed also following you now.
Thank you for the resteem and you sound like you are going through a lot. Patience is a vital quality to have in today's world.
Thank you and your words gave me more strength a boost is nice sometimes. Take care and you stay strong to my friend :)
@onetree got you a $7.31 (4.0%) @minnowbooster upgoat, nice! (Image: pixabay.com)
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Very well put, onetree. These past four years have been difficult for me as well, running a small business and all, but i'm sure that we'll be stronger for it. :)
That is a definite side effect. :)
Thanks for sharing, your ideas and thoughts. I was thinking of you, somehow I missed your posts, so I come to look what you have been up to. Blessings!
Aaaw thank you @hope777 I hope you are well. <3
I am well thanks!
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