The first day I went to kindergarten, I found out I was black. I was four.
You may look at a picture of me and say, 'Hey buddy, you aren't black.' You'd be wrong. I know you are wrong because I have been told that I am black in every way possible by nearly every child I ever knew when I was young.
That first day of kindergarten almost destroyed me as I didn't understand what was going on. I remember crying in the car on the way home and telling my mum I wouldn't be going back. She said I would try again tomorrow.
Day two, same thing. A day getting screamed at by a freckled faced boy with sandy hair. That night in tears, I said I am not going back. My mother said try again.
Day three was no better. The difference was that night, no tears. I said I am not going back and I stated my case: I can read and write, I have toys here to play with and can keep myself busy. What more will I learn there?
I stayed home that year and helped out with my new baby sister and my mum continued to teach me to read and write.
Primary school however was not optional. My first day of school, walking across the grassed oval I was met with a soccer ball in the face kicked by some older kids. I would spend the breaks eating alone, reading and watching the other kids play.
Two years in, I made a friend and we would spend all day together, a year later he left. He had been bullied so much for being my friend that his mother sent him to another school. The main bully? A female teacher. She kicked me once. Mrs Harris, wherever you are, your name is forever on the blockchain.
I paint a pretty bleak picture of life but it was not all misery. After four years in, I had read every worthwhile book in the library, I was eight when I finished Lord of the Rings.
The teasing continued, as did the physical abuse. There is nothing crueler in this world than brainwashed children with ignorant parents. No adult can ever insult me with their words because adults are nowhere near creative enough to come close to the imagination of a child wanting to inflict pain. People talk about being in a minority. I was a minority of one. A blasphemy in the eyes of many for just being born.
With all of this bullying, all of these reasons to one day walk into a school and exact revenge, why am I not a killer? Why am I not a statistic? A dropout? A criminal? A failure?
It is quite simple. I am not a moron that defines himself through the opinions of others. Day three of kindergarten was where I learned my lessons. Do not let them see you cry and I can educate myself.
I read reports in the paper about school shooters and the music they listened to, the games they played and how they were social outcasts or bullied, as if it excuses their actions. I hear the same about killers and criminals. It was their upbringing, their parents, because their girlfriend broke up with them... Seriously.
I would one day love to read an honest report; they did it because they were weak minded arseholes that rather than deal with their own shit, they decided their misery was all someone elses fault. They didn't even have the decency to take responsibility for their actions, they blew their own cowardly head off to escape. Escape like they have done their whole life, unwilling to face themselves and their own shortcomings and lack of insight.
Perhaps this is why I am not a killer. I didn't escape, I stayed and took it, I reviewed it, I pulled it apart until I learned so much about it, I understood it well. The problem was not me, it was them, but they did not understand that yet. They had a lot to learn. And I had more to learn to, so I watched them interact, I watched their own insecurities run behind their facades.
Later in life, some of these people became friends, some of the girls that had been so mean, I dated. As they matured, they learned and changed. They stepped out from the umbrella of ignorance that their parents had provided and realised there was a world they did not know existed. Cruel children turned into some wonderful adults.
Though not all transformed.
I hear more and more about safe zones and protection of children from other children. If there had been a safe zone for me, I would be worse off for it. If children had been punished for being cruel, they would have learned to bite their tongue and unclench their fists until a time I was unprotected. If I had not been abused, I would have become weak to the realities of the world, unprepared for life. I am not saying that what happened is acceptable, I am saying that setting up artificial zones would not have protected me, it would have softened me to the realities and it would have hidden the ignorance of others.
Plus, I wouldn't have learned what I did, and what I learned is important for at least some people in this world to know. I would be less compassionate, less pro-active and much less willing to help people that suffer. Restricting suffering does not cure the cause.
We seem to think that our interference is helping, I don't think it is. Children can take no criticism before breaking down under stress, require constant praise and pats on the head, anything that challenges them is removed, corners rounded, playgrounds rubberised, boredom filled with organised activity. And these kids are our hope to fix our fuckups of the past?
I think we need to go back to the drawing board and rethink a little before it is too late. But what do I know?
Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]
This may be the first time I have cursed in an article. Surprising if you knew me.
If only the world could see people from the inside out, how the roles would be reversed in many of these situations.
If people looked deep inside themselves first and removed all of the social programming before acting, this would be possible.
Powerful story. I wish I could say I was shocked by the actions of the teacher, but my child was bullied by a teacher. We worked through it together but it was extremely painful for us. I later found out she caused another child to leave the school and go for counselling. She called this mixed race child (which makes me mad that I even have to clarify her "race", but for the purposes of this comment) an abomination. Mrs Rose you are thus remembered in the blockchain.
Throughout the years, I have often wondered how some people thought 'Yes. Teaching is for me' based on their actions.
Weak men breed weak societies
Weak societies breed strong men
Strong men breed strong societies
Strong societies breed weak men.
That is very interesting.
What about strong and wise men?
Maybe the strong/weak equation is too simple of an explanation - but t is what i think of when i think of safe zones
I prefer simplicity. I have the mental capabilities to flesh it out myself just thinking that wisdom would see the repetitive cycle and break it.
It is important for ALL people to know. Anyone can be put into that situation. This is also a problem with group think and trying to fit in. It creates a herd mentality and people fixated on herd immunity of their mind and gene pool. They will therefore target anything outside of their herd.
All the while missing out on the beauty of individuality. They are so busy trying to be like someone else that they often no longer find out who they could have been. They are a clone, or shadow of someone else rather than the person they could be.
Well written post (no surprise)... can't help but resteem.
Yes it is important for all to know but most will not be in the position to find out. The heard relies on authority to know and that position is easily corruptible. The heard is led for the gain of the few and can never see their individual strength.
Thank you for the comment and resteem.
Best to let things flow the natural way, to break away from nature and succumb to weakness would not be wise.
Nature is unbreakable
This knowledge is valuable precisely because it is unpleasant to obtain it. It is also valuable because it brings unity to everyone who suffers, which is everyone (though some are not yet conscious of it).
Some people try to find a meaning in their suffering. If there were such a thing, this would be it. However, I wouldn't call it a "meaning" but rather the positive effect of negative experience. The yang to the yin of persecution.
Thanks for sharing, I'm looking forward to reading more of your thoughts!
We are all together in our suffering yet no one need be. With all of the freedom of choice we claim, you'd think that more would choose to not suffer.
You are right, the lessons are not the meaning. The endless work that comes after may be the meaning. The raw look inside may also be the meaning.
Thanks for taking the time to comment.
I see where you are trying to go with this post. However, I am a white blond haired blue eyed kid and I fought my way through every grade. We need to go back to sticks and stones. Why aren't you a killer? Because people that go into schools and commit mass murder are a statistical anomaly...less than 100 people in history have done that. SO why didn't a kindergartener shoot up a school? Bc everyone has shit to deal with and you are not a psycho.
I appreciate your post and the debate and conversation. Honestly if you were trying to make a post to steer people away from that shit, the emphasis was way to high on the racial interactions of kindergarteners. And the extrapolations from there.
The best way to get rid of bullying is to allow fighting back in schools, the biggest bullies are usually the softest...think Christmas story. Rise up against the bullies!
Seriously I hope this doesn't come off as Trollee
I think you missed many of the points of the article.
Really Im not trying to troll or be a dick, I read it a couple times, I think you missed the point you were trying to make and/ or I disagree with the stretch from kindergarten to mass murder.
much love homie
Congratulations @tarazkp! You have completed some achievement on Steemit and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
Click on any badge to view your own Board of Honnor on SteemitBoard.
For more information about SteemitBoard, click here
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPIf you want to support the SteemitBoard project, your upvote for this notification is welcome!