A couple of weeks ago, I was having a discussion with a very close friend of mine and he was telling me how his wife had told him he had been being quite grumpy and short-tempered over the last few weeks and it was affecting the family. He apologised for his behaviour and they talked it through.
The reason for his current temperament was down to a few factors he listed. He has been very busy at work the last few months (always in his job) and there had been a couple of errors made that caused corporate headaches. At the same time as this, they are trying to get their youngest child to stop feeding at night which is quite challenging and leaving him underslept. Their oldest is at the age where he is testing boundaries quite heavily and doing a good job of finding weaknesses.
I am sure there are many people that can relate to this kind of story.
I said to him, sympathetically (since I have a baby that has food allergies that can leave her in pain and screaming at night plus run my own small business), that it is interesting at what adversity looks like. Remember, he is a good friend and open discussion is part and parcel (I was the best man at his wedding).
I went on, you have a great job that pays extremely well (Financial manager at a big pharma company), a wife that can stay at home and look after the children, a cleaner, company car, house and bonuses. The hours are often long but the rewards are very high, there are many perks, this is exactly what you want and planned for, you will retire early and; you still get frustrated, short-tempered and angry.
I said imagine those people that find themselves in a poor neighbourhood, working several jobs and long hours to pay the bills, and still struggling to make ends meet. They see their family rarely and when they do, the conversation centres around struggles. They are surrounded by a community that is suffering in the same way or worse than them and they have all of the societal pressures, family pressures, crying and sick children yet, many can't afford health care, the simplest of luxuries and at times, even enough food for themselves and their children to fill stomachs.
He said: I know I know, my life is not that bad.
No, you missed the point, no wonder there is so much violence. You get short tempered when under stress. So do they, but for many, that stress doesn't let up. There is no holiday in a resort, no spa treatment and perhaps no practical way out at all. When surrounded by a community that is under as much pressure too, there will of course be tensions. People will act out of desperation or depression, life and death don't seem so far apart and serious conflicts between people within family units and anyone else seem inevitable to occur.
I am not sure if he got anything out of the conversation, but I did. Too often we use people living in worse shape than ourselves as a comparison to be grateful for what we have. And that is good. I also think we should be using it to be compassionate enough to understand the situations people find themselves in and help if we can. Even the smallest gesture can affect a life positively.
My friend is the son of doctors, I am not. We have definitely learned different things and lived vastly different lives. As close as we are, he can never walk in my shoes no matter how much I explain. And no matter how much I try, I will never truly understand what it is to live in a country torn apart by war or a community decimated by poverty without living it.
I am not wealthy, not even close to being comfortable. At times, each step feels like it is weighted down. But I am lucky. I am not naive to the fact that by chance I was born in a safe country with health care, to parents that taught me to read and ride a bike. Even though we were not well off, we were never that poor that a meal was unavailable. Still to this day, I struggle at times financially although struggle for one is not the same as the struggle for another, though it may feel so to each individual. Pain is subjective and can not be compared. Suffering also.
People talk about being empathetic with those less fortunate. No. Don't. Why feel their pain? Why change your mental position to be in line with theirs? Be compassionate instead. Use your position to improve theirs, even if all you can do is help them smile a little or get a good meal. If, with all that some of us have, we can't make someone a lot less lucky than us feel a little better, live a little better, what will become of society, who do we become?
I am no bleeding heart that feels for every cause. In fact, most causes people support I see as somewhat childish. Too many are feeling empathetic and trying to help without first investigating the root causes of the suffering. Playing at helping. They help to make themselves feel better, remove guilt or to be looked upon as a good person by society or some unknowable authority in the sky. Empathy is selfish. It is an emotion to unite in misery or a tool to manipulate, not to empower the weakened. If I am in trouble, I do not want anyone to feel for me. I need help, even if I do not ask.
Even when we have all we ever desired, we live in the fear of losing it. And it is because of that fear that our generosity and humanity gets subverted into greed and inaction. This is not just about money though. It rarely is. Sometimes a kind word has more power and value than a dollar, but words are also not enough, sometimes a dollar needs to be in hand too. I am not big on handouts but sometimes it can be a first step, a peg to stand upon for balance a thread to hold on to so as not get washed away in the currents.
I am not really sure why I am writing this and it rambles even more than my usual but I know at times I have felt very helpless in my life. I have been in positions where it seemed there was no way out, no options left other than fight or die. And perhaps there wasn't. Sometimes though, I did not have to do it all alone. A hand reached for me and stopped me from going under. All of these hands were the hands of people that chose to act a small kindness rather than turn a blind eye and for some of them the act may have put them in discomfort themselves.
Maybe there is something in here for someone to think about. Maybe it is seen as sentimental trash. Maybe it helps someone, maybe it helps someone help someone else. Who knows. What I do know is that every day I work so I never have to feel helpless, so I can maintain agency. I am not always successful at it. But if I have the opportunity and resources, I will use it to empower others so that for even a few seconds, they can relax, take a deep breath and forget their fears. Even if for just that brief moment.
It might be in that small space, they have the possibility to find a way out for themselves.
Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]
If this has some value to you I am glad. If you think it has value for another, please resteem or have a conversation with them.
@tarazkp great article, very well considered and eloquently put.
Thank you very much @orym
I suspect and I have a strong hunch about why you could be writting this today my dear friend. I'm afraid!! ;) :D
Definitely, I will need to come back to your today's content asap mate, a bit later when I finish handling some contingencies and I can have a more relaxed time tonite. And then, render a deserved homage to your content with an appropriate & worthy response. Especially to those embedded in your previous comments I am aware of and above all, toward the invaluable generous actions you've taken this couple of days ago. :)
Meanwhile, to leave here some meaningful reply addressed to the core of this article, I will entice you to watch this interesting video, by clicking here. Cheers!!
¡Upvoted & Resteemed!
:)
Take your time
There is a lot of insight in this post that will be of value to others -- myself included. Thanks for that. I followed, and look forward to reading more of your work.
Thanks for the follow and taking the time to leave a comment in support. I am a mixed bag of lollies so let's see what arrives next.
Btw, when I was young, there were old trains called Redhens. A couple of my friends started a micro gin brewery recently and called it Red Hen gin to pay homage.
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