As a new parent I have had to face many new thoughts. There have been the expected fears regarding illness and the like but there have been other thoughts too.
I was always led to believe that a couple should complement each other. Be able to combine skills and work in unison for a successful relationship. And for the most part, that probably makes some sense as for some things there is no need to double up on skills.
I have talked to friends both male and female and there seems to be common threads in relationships and that is that each have their separated roles. Stereotypically, it is divided along basic tasks, caring for the home and maintaining the home but there are some things that only one person can do.
For example in my household, my wife would have a hard time managing the technical aspects of the home. All of the computer, network, maintenance activities. For me, there are some parts of life that I would struggle in because it requires Finnish. This means that we can complement each other by taking care of our job areas which is the common approach to things such as this.
But, now when it comes to raising a child, I question this approach.
I do some work with succession planning in organisations and have witnessed first hand the risks of doing it poorly. Within a group, if only one person holds critical information, the loss of that person will cause major problems.
I have thought a bit about this and I am sure there are holes in my thinking but, if I were to drop dead tomorrow, how would my wife manage and if she were to, how would I?
Note, my wife doesn't like me thinking about her dying as often as I do. If I were to disappear, Netflix is probably not the first thing my wife will do although she is very keen to watch House of Cards and I am here on Steemit. But, let's say that just after I died, her phone stopped working and it had to be hard reset. Can she do it?
That sounds like a silly example but with a child around and a hundred things to take care of in my absence, all of these little things add up and create extra stress at a time that it is not welcome. When it rains, it pours, as they say.
Some of the guys I have talked to have said that they (and their partners have said this about them too) are somewhat stressed if they have to take the baby shopping with them alone. That they struggle to manage a day with their child.
What happens if misfortune befalls the family and their partners are not there? Can the other cope?
In my thinking, as parents we should be making as sure as possible that if something happened to one, the other can cope. That means taking responsibility for learning skillsets and letting the other have the opportunity and space to learn also.
Of course, this doesn't only matter in the worst case scenario, it helps whenever one is out of commission for whatever reason. If one has a bad migraine, the other can pick up the slack without being majorly put out by it or thrown into the deep end.
I am not saying that each should be a clone of the others skillset either, I am saying that core processes that are necessary to look after the child effectively are carried by both. It is insurance.
My wife posted about making a blueberry pie, which I love and I do not need to learn how to do it in order for my daughter to survive. It can be something special from her for me.
But, we both need to know how to make the food so there are no allergic reactions for our daughter, we both need to know what outside services we require, all of the needs to care for our daughter and make sure that life continues as smoothly as possible.
I find that many do not think this through too much but for me in Finland, I do not have a strong family support network that can take the slack in the case of an emergency, not even a babysitter, so I have to.
I have thought about this a bit further too. Many couples have joint accounts or at least can get access to the others accounts in emergencies. But, what about things like cryptocurrency holdings? Does your partner know what to do with it?
I asked my brother the other day that if something happens to me, my wife will be able to take him the passwords etc and he can help her. Not that there is a great deal of value there but in times of great need, every little bit helps.
My wife @momone posted just before that reminded me I had this one going, I have had it going for many months actually but never finished it. She will spend her first night away from our daughter and this is actually the first time only one of us is here. Is she worried that I don't know what I am meant to do?
Probably. But that is not because she thinks I can't do it, it is because she is a mother that cares for her child. In my opinion, part of that duty of care is to attempt to make sure that if for whatever reason one becomes a single parent, the child doesn't suffer because of inadequate skills or knowledge in core areas.
Of course, if thrust into this position it is not the end of the world by any means, it just requires more learning at a time that it may be difficult to do so.
For those with young kids, what do you think? Are you prepared for the worst?
Taraz
[a Steemit original ]
The photo I took today on our road trip. I hope they are both always so happy.
What a great, genuine post! Keep up the awesome work. I really like how thoughtful your story is. My husband and I are getting to the point where we are considering having our first child, and this is really insightful information! I totally see the benefit of both husband and wife having all the basic skills they would need to keep their family going alone. Great perspective! Thank you!
Thank you. As big a step as it is, it is also quite a wonderful one. I think that when both know the other can handle it, both can relax a enjoy all of the experiences more. I wish you and your husband the best of luck. You may want to follow my wife as she will post little things that may be helpful over time, or at least answer questions.
Drop by anytime :)
I agree that all the basics need to be acquired by both mum and dad, feeding, changing, etc.
Like you, my partner and I are good at different things and that is what makes our family work so well. However if for any reason either one of us was to be left alone to raise our 6 kids, I have no doubt that they would be fine. Why? Because we have a plan. It's not nice to sit and talk about a world where you no longer live. But once you have a baby it is no longer about you. So you have to make a plan, a detailed plan, and every couple of years you need to go back and see if that plan will still work as time changes so do the needs of each family.
I also recommend paying attention to things your partner does better than you, it's always good to learn!
Great post and I hope your Bub is doing well!
Do you think that the average parents take the time to make a detailed plan, as like you said, it isn't a nice conversation. Paying attention to what your partner does better than you is very important. I tell my wife to pay attention all of the time :D
Yes, bubs is good at the moment, thanks.
To be honest, I don't think many parents do. We certainly didn't until it dawned on us after baby number 4 that if something happened to both of us we were in big trouble, so we made plans for all unforeseen circumstances.
I bet she says the same to you😄
It took four first? We won't have so many reminders :D
She knows I don't have a very long attention.....
Thank you for gifting this post to the world @tarazkp! In return, we offer you a gift of 50.0 Ohm, a cryptocurrency similar to Bitcoin.
If you would like to accept our gift, please reply to this Comment with your Ohm Wallet Address. If you would like to setup an address or learn more about Ohm, check out the Ohm Wallet FAQ.
We have also Upvoted and Resteemed your post so that your post can reach more people! Follow @maxwellbeing to see all posts which have been offered Ohm for uplifting humanity.
Been there... Done that...
There is no assurance you are prepared. I had the opportunity to absorb the excess during the 18 months wife's condition deteriorated. It was terrible!
In the end we survived. The scars are mostly healed now.
Be strong!
I can't imagine but can guess at how hard it would be.
Congrats thanks a lot for sharing your expirience and keep on posting ;)