I've never taken ativan and i only just have experienced any sort of spiritual gatherings. What i have hit walls with is positivity blocking anger and demands fir change. I know why people do it but it stops me dead in my tracks because there is no way for me to be positivd about some things. I try to be patient but it never works. I know its largely due to my panic response. When i feel a situation is impossible or threatening or both my body treats it as if i might die. Loud noises, smells , arguments about feminism racism and or classism... all feel like a terrorist attack.
I keep writing as tgp. This is @limabeing !
The issues with positivity blocking anger is when I first encountered the spiritual aversion to anger. For me, it just seems like there are some things you should be angry about, particularly if that anger drives you take actions and make changes that need to be made. I'm sorry to hear your panic response causes you grief. I can totally relate.