I think about death a lot. And yeah, I mean that both ways. I have wanted to die hundreds of times before, and I also think about death as an entity in itself. What it entails, what it means for others, and ultimately what it means for me.
Since I become very attached to things, death scares me because it is an ending of a cycle, of a life. It means I no longer have what I used to have, and using this definition, I guess you could say I have died a thousand deaths over and over again during this lifetime. Each time being equally scary. But death also fascinates me for this same reason; it is the ending of a cycle, it means that something has finished, there is freedom and a space that wasn't there before. It's liberating.
To answer your question, I guess I could say yes and no. I still have things I want to do, places to visit and people to see again, but at the same time it is all fleeting and not really all that important, so if death decides to visit... I guess I would go gladly.
Thousands of deaths.
When you talked about the cycle, you reminded me of something. I remember that when I was maybe like 12, I wrote that on a sheet of paper. "Death is the end of the cycle" or somethign like that. A teacher got really worried for me. I was just philosophising, didn't really mean to alarm anyone.
I think your thoughts about death are very similar to mine. I can't add much or refute you. It's hard to think about death like this when the whole of society is screaming "dying is bad!" and mourning and praying for those who leave us.
The wind blows, we die, a bird chirps.