Have you ever wondered how so many people want to be successful but so very few attain it? Or if they get there, aren't able to maintain that level of success? Thinking about the one hit wonder TikTok and YouTubers that go viral for a day and disappear into the ether never to be heard from again.
Well, that's because most people aren't ready for success.
Most people don't have the right frame of mind to maintain a constant level of success that keeps them relevant in a landscape that's ever changing. To maintain success you need to adapt and change constantly, plan and react accordingly.
The amount of times I've woken up only to have the ideas in my head take a different route because of the shifting landscape is unreal.
But we'll get to that in a bit.
For now, let's start from the beginning and work up.
It's not what you get, it's what you give to the world that matters.
Think of it like this. Everyone wants to be remembered by someone when they're gone and passed this life. Even if it's by a small few they loved. What do you think they will remember?
How many gold watches you had, or Lambos?
Or how you made them feel?
I don't know about you but I categorise people on how they make me feel, and I tend to gravitate towards those that make me feel good and avoid the people that make me feel bad. I remember good things about those that made me feel good, and I'll remember them until I die.
This is how you will be as a person too. You will remember good things about people that made you feel good
So how do you hijack that into success? If people are more likely to remember good things about good people?
Well, you offer the world something that they want. That's it, that's all it is.
You give the world something that they are happy to receive. And they will remember you for it.
You'll often hear a friend saying, "I liked this person, they did this and that for me" - but you'll never hear, "I liked this person. He had lots of money"
One of the strangest things we do in today's world is that we demonize people with lots of money rather than try and emulate their success.
So for example Jeff Bezos started Amazon in his car garage. How did he become one of the world's richest men? Well, he gave the world something they wanted.
It started off with books, then it moved onto products and eventually it became a multi-disciplinary business that's into almost everything under the sun.
But how did it get that far? Did he just add and delete followers off twitter? Or hyper focus on his YouTube sub count? No, he gave the world what it wanted, or needed.
People will buy from a guy in his clapped out garage with not much to offer rather than a big supermarket if they are selling what they need and they walk away with a good experience.
He made buyers of his products feel good so that when the time comes they would order from him again.
His success hijack was not to accumulate lots of money, or show that he had lots of money, it was to give people what they wanted.
So how is that mindset attained?
Most people in this world take. They want to know what's in it for them and how much they can get from you to make it worthwhile.
An inexperienced person would look at this and get frustrated with it, get annoyed with it, you'll probably hear a few people in your lifetime saying, "Man, all people want is what they can get from me and nothing else" and for most people this is actually very frustrating, because they would like to take a little for themselves too you know, right?
But an experienced person would know that's a good thing. It's a good thing that most people want to take, because that means you have a HUGE potential buyers market.
All those takers. They're going to want something, right?
The RICHEST people in the world will be those that have given way more value to the world than they receive. They sit there and ask themselves..
"What can I give to the world that people want?"
And this is no easy mindset to achieve, it takes a while to shift thinking from what I can get, to what can I give.
We were all young once. I remember I thought everything revolved around me and I was the only person in the world. If it wasn't serving me and my interests then I didn't want to know, and I would only hang around people that would give me what I wanted.
And sadly, with that mindset you realise eventually, that you just become a parasite. Giving nothing back to the world in any form and just demanding that people serve your needs whatever the case may be.
So for me it all started with giving back. People had "on the whole" been good to me during my life, I wanted to give something back, anything. A lot of people wince at giving back, and I've had full blown arguments with men online about this stuff because they think you should always remember the favours you give out.
But I disagree.
Give for the good feeling of giving. It could be something as simple as a compliment whenever you wouldn't necessarily give out one. This is one of the sure fire ways to change your mindset around. It might feel difficult at first, but you'll get used to it.
So to recap
- You win hearts and minds by making people feel good.
- You win hearts and minds by giving back to the world.
- You win hearts and minds by giving your time, effort, anything you can.
Actionable point 1: This week you will give something to someone without them asking for it. You will notice they need it and give it to them. Preferably help with something. Never ask for anything in return and don't hold it against them. Repeat this step daily/weekly
Building your network
Life is a funny old thing. I hope by now you're learning what I'm teaching you and beginning to read between the lines. Basically, by now you are learning to be useful to people. That's all it is.
Learn to be useful to people and you win the day. People will come to you for things and they will be willing to do stuff for you in return.
For example right now @burlarj is training my son to play splinterlands, something I'm hugely happy about, and something I didn't consider until he offered it -- yet on the other hand I helped good ol' burly get a job where he could earn some more money.
I honestly didn't expect him to go out of his way for me, but the opportunity arrived and he offered so I was thinking -- wow thank you so much.
People that are useful do things for each other regularly.
The best way to find people to be useful to, is to build your network.
Building my network and applying the first thing I talked about is how I got off the ground. You wont be able to make anyone feel anything if you don't have a network.
It honestly surprised me how many people came into our discord and put their money where their mouth was and said something like, "Oh, this is Ray's project? Yeah, he's a good guy, I'll throw in 1000 Hive" -- because in our sphere name and reputation goes a long way.
But really, that should be for anywhere. Name and reputation goes a long way.
I started in Neoxian City. I wasn't really known anywhere before then. No-one knew me, and I was just a random particle floating about the hive-ether that people may or may not have heard of. I wasn't any really big name anywhere.
I came to neoxian city via @xawi after a failed attempt at running something on whaleshares. I knew xawi from a discord I used to be in so I decided to follow her in via there. This is where I began to build my network.
There I met coders, and writers and splinterlands experts, and good people. We all had one thing in common -- we were all hustling. And we all had something to offer.
You see I was poor; I was barely making ends meet from month to month and I wanted to make something awesome but I just didn't know how to. I wanted solid cashflow for my family and I and hive, well, hive just wasn't cutting it -- although I will admit that it was nice subsidiary income for sure.
So I built my network. The first day I came to Neoxian City I applied for a job there, like straight off the bat. Mr Dragon had to calm me down though because he likes to get to know people first before he lets them loose in his city.
Anyway, I spent a good year in there hustling with everyone and getting to know them all before we decided to do anything with ourselves. That's when I met @reazuliqbal who agreed to make the code for my idea. He was a hustler too. So much so that he now works in the hive-engine core team.
And, BRO was borne.
But I spent a good year getting to know people, cultivating a good knowledge of what people can do and can't do around me, what were the assets and also what were the downfalls. I was surrounded with good people that could do stuff, and we eventually made it happen.
Your network is perhaps the biggest tool in your arsenal when it comes to getting anywhere, and you are judged on the value of your network. So build it out long and deep.
If I can give you any advice it's just be useful to people, as many as you can. Some will need you more than others, but it's all self-marketing in the end.
And remember, the best people in your network can be found in the most unlikeliest of places. Like here:
So to Recap
- Learn to win hearts and minds
- Build your network. Meet new people.
Actionable point 2: Go out of your comfort zone. Meet people in places you wouldn't normally go to but you've always wanted to. Talk to them, find out about them, be curious. Make friends and connections. Build that network out. Never stop doing this. Do it daily, weekly, monthly.
Learn about Competence & Dominance Hierarchies
Watch this:
Basically understand that you can't do everything.
One thing we tend to do when we're younger is that we see people that are better than us as a threat, or, at least I did anyway.
But eventually once the ego gets put in check you'll realise that there's going to be people better than you at everything in every possible way anyway, so why fight it? You will always have betters, unless you're Einstein, which I highly doubt that.
If you have good friends that are good at things that you are not good at, then learn to listen to them. Let them have more control over your decision making.
For instance: I took on someone to help me with the Finances. We have four tokens and an inflow and outflow of crypto daily. That's a lot of work for me to deal with, and I'm not the most organised of people.
Everytime I want to spend on something I'll ask him if I am able to spend anything today? And he'll tell me yes or no.
I'll listen to him. And do what he advises me. Ultimately it's my decision of course but I'm just experienced enough to know that organization isn't my strong suit so I let him deal with it and I take his advice on what he tells me.
Basically allow others who have way more experience than you to inform you about choices you should make. It was @xawi who advised me to buy splinterlands and we made x20 on our base price.
She's been playing the game since it started and she was way better informed than I was to give that advice. So I listened to her.
One of the main reasons that BRO has been so successful is because I've listened to people that know what they are talking about and given them some control over my decision making.
But, there are also places where you will excel in. My forte is community building. That's where my real core skillset lies. I was good at it in real life, I'm also really good at it online. And I generally lead myself on that one and don't listen to many people on the subject. I mean I'm open to suggestion, but I haven't yet been told anything that I don't know.
There will be things you absolutely excel at, but there will be things that you absolutely suck at, and that's fine. One thing is for sure, is that you wont be good at everything.
Learn when to listen, and when not to listen. Sometimes taking the wrong advice can be disastrous.
Knowing yourself is absolutely key here, which I guess will come with time and experience.
Recap
- learn where you fit in
- learn what your good and bad points are
- Try and understand yourself better
Actionable Point 3: Make a big list of all the things you are good at. That you know you're good at and like to blow your horn at. Make a list at all the things you're not good at. Take the list and focus on what you're good at.
Take the bad points and focus less on what you are bad at. There are some things you can change, and some things you can't no matter how hard you try. Do more of the good, less of the bad.
Learn to listen
A good listener will sit and let you talk for 20 minutes without saying much, only talking to keep the conversation at a steady pace.
Listeners are what change the world.
Hardly anyone listens. Not truly. Most people listen to reply but really don't take much thought in what other people are saying.
A good listener also learns to notice what is not being said. The in between the lines stuff that doesn't get a mention.
I think the most intense listener I've met on hive would be themarkymark. Nothing slides by that dude, not even a mouse fart. He's super sharp and he'll listen to everything that's said, even if it seems like he hasn't, or if it seems irrelevant context, he'll soak it all up.
A good listener will ask questions, and a good listener will also ask the "right questions." By that I mean they will steer the conversation to the part which interests them most.
I was taught to listen well in my last job because it could help me find out the needs that a client might not necessarily know that they have. For example someone talking about how they have friends that are very "pushy" might not know it but perhaps something they need in life is to learn to stick up for themselves more. A good listener will find this out.
But it is the same with any facet of life. A good listener will know when to use this to their own advantage whenever they need it. Such as investigating what someone is "not" telling them when they are pitching an idea.
Ideas all sound great on the surface but as someone once told me -- the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Being a good listener really solves this.
But how do you actually go around listening better?
Well it's simple really, ask more questions and be more interested in what people have to say to you. If you're not interested in what people have to say to you then you're perhaps in the wrong room.
That's really all it is. Ask more questions. The more questions you ask and the more experienced you become at getting answers from people then you'll learn to spot the good signs and the bad signs. You'll learn who to avoid and who to stay near, and so on.
Recap
- Learn to listen better
- Listen better by asking questions
Actionable Point 4: Start asking more questions from people that say things that interest you. Do this daily. The more you do it then the better at it you will become. People will also start to feel listened to by you more, and value your time together better.
And lastly, to wrap this up:
Learn to adapt
There is such a thing as the business cycle. One thing I've learned very well is that you have to adapt with the changing tides.
Change is inevitable and you have to adapt your strategies as soon as change appears -- this can be particularly tough if you have a large contingent of staff that rely on your level-headedness to get through whatever challenges the business is facing.
People in general don't cope well with change.
You're going to have to get real good with change, and quickly if you're going to be remotely successful. One thing that is dominant in this world is the swiftness in which change comes and how fast the old way of doing things is thrown out.
Successful people mitigate this well.
One example I can tell you is this:
Before Hive I was a very popular blogger. I had spots on the Huffington Post and I even had my own column in another magazine, which linked all back to my blog and gave it amazing link juice. All of this set me up for being able to charge good money for sponsored posts and I had them regularly.
At one point it kept my wife and I afloat.
Until it didn't.
CRT (Critical Race Theory) came in as a powerful force and was now an instrument of power in who gets published and who doesn't. Since I was already well established I was given the option to change my style of writing and say different things, or leave.
I left, and that's why I came to hive.
So I moved with change. You either get busy living, or get busy dying.
It's also a key part in Charles Darwin's theory of evolution:
"It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is most adaptable to change"
But change is probably one of the most hardest things we'll ever try to do in our lifetime, the first time you try to do it anyway.
Here's Jordan Peterson talking about how difficult change is:
If you're not experienced with change then sometimes it can be a really hard feat to accomplish. There's all sorts of horrible situations that arise from change -- sometimes it will challenge you to the very core of what you believe in, which can be horrible.
But unless you get good at it you'll never be able to keep moving forward no matter what life throws at you.
I'd say the first step to changing would be to pick out some instances in your life that give you discomfort when you think of them and analyse how you could have approached them better. What could you have done differently and if there is any lessons you can take away for the future? Just like what JP said in the video I pasted.
Recap
- Every successful person is good with change
- Change is inevitable
Actionable Point 5: Pick an instance in your life recently that could have turned out better and to think of it brings you discomfort. Think about it and ask yourself how could you have approached this situation better? What could you have done to turn the situation into a more positive one? And are there any lessons in the future you can draw from this?
Thinking about what went wrong, even when it brings you discomfort can change your way of thinking into changing your behaviour. You can't change the past, but you can certainly change how you do things from now.
And that concludes this weeks freebie.
There will be one more freebie next week then I'll be charging a subscription fee for these. See how it turns out!!
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STOPWoo! Great post Ray so i can safely say
just kidding 😂
The theory is honestly true. I do believe it!
I am so glad Ray you have achieved a lot and I am feeling happy you found your way to the city coz of me. :p XD I am going to take pride in it now😆
this should be
This is false. I came here with 0 HP, knowing no-one. So I had to start somewhere. I talk about this in this exact post.
yea cos women dont stay behind unsuccessful men lol
I thought actionable point 2 would be hard to do but I think Actionable point 4 is where the big issue is for me lol. I just realize I don't ask much questions to whatever I listen to, including what interests me.
I don't know why that is! But yeah, I want to give it a try.
These actions are very practical but like you said in the beginning, it takes one who is ready for success to do them. I'm not sure how ready I am but I do know I find these valuable.
For now, I'll focus on taking some of these actions into practice and look forward to the next freebie. I appreciate sir Ray 🙌
Thanks for everything boss and It is my pleasure to teach your boy Splinterlands, this post resonates with me, connection and network really matters and also to be successful we have to render a service to others, it should be more about rendering good services rather than thinking about profits, cos when people are satisfied with what we have to follow, success comes
I believe I’m building myself in all aspects but my shortcoming is listening. You’ve really said it all. Everything happening to me is in there. I have been trying my best to listen. I’m learning to. It’s not been easy but I’m still working on it. I realized they are things I got to know in 2 minutes by just keeping quiet to listen to someone talk. Those are gems I probably wouldn’t have gotten anywhere if not by listening. Thanks for sharing this.