Profound.
Fun.
Divine.
I went on a journey two nights ago with the Queen of the Forest – Ayahuasca. Something I never thought I would do, never feeling called or drawn to work with plant medicine, but a few weeks ago she came into my awareness and I shared with Eugene that I felt called to do a ceremony. I asked if he wanted to do it with me and he was a yes. Organically it unfolded as it does when we decide, and the Universe led us to the perfect person to guide us on this journey. Here is my story from that night:
We arrive to his house in the afternoon, a palace filled of light. Every room a temple that my beloved so on spot said. Angels, saints, wind chimes, crystals, instruments, creatures...The energy is incredibly calm. Serene. Peaceful. The moment I set foot inside the door I feel so held and loved. This is absolutely the right place for this adventure. Connecting and receiving information about the night, an overview and space for questions. With some time on our hands to rest and land, we take a swim in the salt water pool, a nap and then change into our white ceremonial clothing.
Sitting down in the spacious blue room with a gorgeous altar in the middle. The four of us, each with our own nest; a comfy backjack, pillows and blankets. Next to us a mindfold (a blindfold that makes it completely dark), a bucket and tissues. I place my crystals next me, my guitar to the right and so it begins. Opening prayer, dropping in and intention setting. Mine is to have fun. To go on an adventure. To surrender and see what wants to move through. To have an easeful ride into the unknown. I don't want to be in the way with too much thought or intention, but to stay open and receive whatever wants to come. We are invited to take our first cup of medicine. Eugene and I blow on others cup, then hold it by our hearts, saying a silent prayer for ourselves. I feel my pulse rising as it's time to drink it. We are asked to take the brown liquid in one shot. After a few deep breaths, I quickly put it do my lips and I feel the bitter taste as it runs own my throat. Not as bad as I was expecting, but not the tastiest thing either.
We go back to our seats and put on our mindfolds. I pull my blanket over me and sink into silence. I sit for a long time, enjoying the sensation of melting into nothingness, a deep space of meditation while waiting for the medicine to start. I hear how Eugene next to me is already in it, the sound of his sighs changing and I wonder when it will start for me. It being my first time, I'm told that the brain might not understand what's going on and it might not receive the medicine until the second cup. Thinking this is the case, cause after what seems like an hour or so I'm still not feeling anything, but then all of a sudden I notice how my arm starts moving without my conscious action or will. Here we go. Enjoying the feeling of being moved by something beyond me, I start giggling and relax into it even more. I feel like a baby in space! It's so beautiful and I love it so much. Being aware of my partner next to me, I feel a strong desire to connect. Reaching out a hand, still blind, we seek each other out. And good god, the sensations! Everything is enhanced and felt so strong. The lightest feather touch rushes through the body, the sound of his voice, the exhilaration of being on this ride together.
Prayers and invocations. Our shaman is the most luminious, steady and loving guide. We go deeper and the music that's been handpicked for us is pure magic, taking us further and further in, I've never felt anything like it. I'm being moved by Spirit, my body doing things it's never done before. These hand gestures, shaking, rolling around and all the time in such pure joy, ease and playfulness.
It's time for the second cup and we remove our mindfolds. Giggly and so excited, dancing with Eugene until we're called forward. Blowing on each others cups, but this time praying for someone else when holding it to our hearts. Someone who needs healing. I bring her into the space and then drink it. We go back to our seats and I feel the medicine moving in my system. There is so much energy and I can't sit still, I'm watching my body being moved in the most amazing ways. I'm invited to sing and I sing like never before. The sensations of being totally guided by Spirit, my hand and fingers playing by themselves and a voice from the deepest of depths and highest highs. Most of the singing I don't remember but I'm told the next morning it was out of this world. A frozen grape is put in my mouth, a reminder that I have a physical body. Epic thing to eat and feel while in this state. The journey continues, I crawl on all fours the altar and sit with Jesus. I study the crystals, and then continue to the other side to be in the presence of Mary. I have a conversation with a snake. In the middle there is an altar piece, a pillar with three stars and arms from the side of them. Eugene! He is sitting opposite me on the other side. We are invited to look through the bottom star at each other, this being the past. Then the middle one, being the present. And the top one being the future. Holy fuck. Eugene is given a prayer to read and it blows us even more open. Healing. Deep, deep healing and so much love.
A song is played, dedicated to me. My higher Self takes over and I dance. I dance like I've never danced before. I am water. I am grace. I am safe. I am safe in this body. On this Earth. Repeating times during the night I hear myself saying certain words that I had no idea what they mean. Elohim is one of them. Santo is another. Looking them up later, I find out that Elohim means god/gods and Santo means saint. Beautiful. I witness Eugene dance to a song dedicated to him. My lion. My King. The most glorious, warm and loving being there is. In such awe of his expression. Feeling deeply honored to be sharing my life with this man.
An invitation to a third cup, which I decline. Moving into another dimension, another phase, another part. Chaos. And I start to purge. Not throwing up, but crying. And it's crying from the most sad, lonely and hurt places of my being. And it doesn't stop, it just keeps going. I'm moving uncontrollably and I hear how Eugene is being asked to support me. Putting a hand on my heart, he is there. Just being with me while I ride the most intense waves of emotions I've ever experienced. No control over my body, rocking from side to side, twisting and turning, he is there holding me. Blowing my nose, feeling how it all needs to come out. This is not supposed to be in my body anymore. I cry and cry and cry and cry. Eugene is there, with his still and loving presence. I've never felt more held in my whole life. After what seems like a lifetime, the tears stop and I'm wrapped in a blanket, spooned by my beloved. The medicine is still moving me but I feel how it's slowly pulling back. Entering the last part of the journey, it's celebration and the music becomes light and super colorful. We get shakers and we shake shake shake with to the rhytm, laughing and giggling. We made it! We get more frozen grapes, drink cool coconut water and the feeling is so gorgeous. Wow. We did it! This happened! I get up with my big fluffy white blanket and start dancing around until it's time to listen to the last song. I sink into the arms of my beloved once again and receive musical medicine. Then closing circle. Full circle. A powerful and clear closing. Prayers. So much love. So much light. So much joy. Some warm and grounding soup, sharing and reflections, then time for bed. I wake up with a body feeling like it's been hit by a ten ton truck, but my emotional body and spirit feeling so alive and vibrant! The whole day is dedicated to rest and integration and here I am now, two days later writing it all down.
This ceremony is one of the most amazing things I've ever experienced and no words can really do it justice of course. Such a deep and profound journey, so easeful and FUN! I felt Spirit. I felt me. I felt Spirit in me. My true essence in a whole new way and I moved in my full expression. I experienced my divinity in a new and epic way, creating an even more solid anchor point in my body. Another gateway to access mySelf. I received the gift of playfulness. Of joy, of laughter. I feel incredibly grateful. So fucking happy and excited. Thank you Ayahuasca. Thank you God. Thank you life. Thank you beautiful being who guided us. Thank you Eugene for sharing this epic ride and life together with me. Thank YOU for reading all the way down. Bless ❤️