"You know you were my first time"

picture: zainab (my friend)

I remember my awkward curiosity
Standing helplessly in your presence
Wondering if this troubling feeling in my stomach was love or indigestion.
I'd never wanted anything so desperately to give away my sleep.
The thought of you made my lips tremble like leaves ambushed by the intensity of the wind on a stormy night
My heart raced on stilettos across potholes, a thousand miles, trailing yours in a senseless frenzy
While you stood right beside me in your navy blue pinafore, aloof of the drama that has been staged in my mind
In a classroom, contaminated by noise
And boys who laughed at my sweaty fingers
And girls who thought it was cute that I was making a fool of myself
And a teacher who was indifferent about the one lesson that really mattered--love
In that moment of uncertain
My entire essence was embedded in yours
And you can say time froze
Because I swear it took just one smile
To realize that you were the one
Whose love will make and break my joy into bits
You were my first time, and last.
After you left without warning,
A part of me got lost finding my way back
To the simple boy, I was
The one who sat behind you every day throughout the primary school
Unaware of cupid's indiscretion.
Yes I miss him, as much as I do you
To compensate, I complicate the lives of the women who generously offered to help me find my way.
In a way that has helped blur your memory,
But on a cold night like this, it all comes back to me,
And I must say I feel no regrets,
Because loving you was the best decision my eleven years old self could make.