THE POEMS SERIES: THE FIRST VERSE

BED OF FLOWERS
Untold desires move my heart
Like a littering snake across the desert path,
The turbulent wind of an unrequited love
Assault my senses to an unfamiliar goal,
To an unfamiliar terrain,
Where this thirst is never quenched.

My love is like a dream,
A soft rose surrounded by its daggered edges,
As I have watched through the vines of green,
Through the cold hand of reality
That she couldn’t be for me.
My heart is forever dyed in the colours of a setting sun,
For I have come to wither inside with little hope,
Of catching my beloved’s pure song.

Far apart we are
Like the future and the past,
As the times chime softly,
Reminding me of my place
And the man I could have been
To win my maiden’s embrace.

Still I watch in far sight
For
Noble is the heart of my beloved,
Gracious is her gaze that calms my soul,
Devoid of happiness is to be my accursed fate,
Never to bear witness to the start
Of her golden dawn.

Still
I remain dazed,
like the fated tragedy of a falling star,
The petals of my dark heart
Begin to glistens with a new shine,
As I am now brushed with the courage
Of a thousand suns
On the day my Desired
Walked up to me
In the hymns of a songbird
That healed forever healed my torn heart.

COMMENTARYSIDE NOTE: AUTHOR'S COMMENTOk, this took me over two weeks to edit. I had the original draft planned out and ready for posting but I couldn’t tell if it was good enough or not. I do write of a lot of scripted works and I felt like I needed to try simplify my writing in this case so the poem as a whole can be enjoyed for what it is. So these are my though process how this poem came to be. It is not perfect but it is fair enough.

THE CENTRAL MESSAGEThe poem tells the story of someone in an unrequited love relationship. The main character is characterised as a man who adores his love interest but has little confidence in his prospect of gaining her affection.

PROGRESSIVE THEMES IN THE POEMThe main theme of the poem is the desires of someone in an unrequited love. It showcases the challenges what the individual (in this case, the main character) goes through and the insecurities that comes with the fear of rejection and hesitance to approach said love interest.

There are important elements I am aware might need to be addressed in the reception of the poem. First is how it could be interpreted as obsessive in a number of ways, and as such, I chose to the highlight the main character, specifically aspects of his personality shown, in order to soften the perceived forceful nature of his emotions (desire) as well as elaborate his genuine affection for said love interest by portraying her in an adoring light than a possessive one.

The second element is that while this relationship doesn’t necessary conform to our standards of love in present day, this is more of an homage to classic love stories about an ordinary man who is in love with a beautiful woman or other stories similar in reference. Think Aladdin or Hercules (pardon the Disney references).

IN-DEPTH ANALYSISThere are five (5) stanzas in the poem, each one revealing different aspects of the main character and his relationship with his love interest. The poem is filled with imagery to illustrate the depth of this character’s feelings and set the overall mood of the poem. With every stanza introduced, new information is progressively given to the reader by the narrator (the main character) as the perspective shown is the central storyboard of the poem.

In the first stanza, we are introduced to the main character’s feeling of unrequited love. The poem gives animation to concepts like desire and unrequited love as well as imagery to illustrate the depth of his feelings. Some of them are as such:

Untold desires move my heart
Like a littering snake across the desert path,
The turbulent wind of an unrequited love
Assault my senses to an unfamiliar goal,
To an unfamiliar terrain,
Where this thirst is never quenched.

The second stanza shows his insecurity which is his lack of confidence in himself despite his affection for his love interest:

My love is like a dream,
A soft rose surrounded by its daggered edges,
As I have watched through the vines of green,
Through the cold hand of reality
That she couldn’t be for me.

In the third stanza, his challenges and insecurities about winning her affection becomes more prevalent and more is revealed about his character:

Far apart we are
Like the future and the past,
As the times chime softly,
Reminding me of my place
And the man I could have been
To win my maiden’s embrace.

In the fourth stanza, he briefly describes his love interest and his attraction to her:

Still I watch in far sight
For
Noble is the heart of my beloved,
Gracious is her gaze that calms my soul…

The fifth and final stanza shows a divergence in the tone signifying a different outcome to what has already been presented to the reader. As the previous stanzas elaborated the concept of unrequited love, there is a hopeful ending hinted for the main character as he is approached by his love interest despite the journey of emotions the narrator had set up:

…
I remain dazed,
like the fated tragedy of a falling star,
The petals of my dark heart
Begin to glistens with a new shine,
…
On the day my Desired
Walked up to me
In the hymns of a songbird
That healed forever healed my torn heart.

It is important to note that the roundabout turmoil of the main character is an important arc for the poem as it elaborate the complexity of human emotions and the uncertainty that comes with the decisions that people make on a regular basis. When these complexities are applied to a love interest, feelings are amplified and the sense of uncertainty becomes even unstable. Hence this emotional roller-coaster is inevitable as it is the centre piece of the poem.

FINAL THOUGHTSThis is my second poem that I am posting here on Steemit and the first entry for the Poem Series. I find the unrequited love trope to be a very engaging as it opens more opportunities for creative endeavours in the genre of romance and can serve as a means to raise emotional stakes, depending on the intent of the writer. As I prefer love stories with a lot of complexity, I am happy to contribute to this trope.
This analysis took a lot more effort than I thought, especially when I had to give meaning to ideas that I thought up subconsciously. However, I will admit it makes me a lot focused and I am happy to improve in any way. This poem did take a lot of time because of my obsession with perfection but I am just going to let it go and let you guys enjoy it.

Thanks for reading and hope to see you soon!

Image Credit:
http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/04/signs_of_spring_2010.html

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madevi (50) 7 years ago

Seriously good poem this! Upvoted and followed! Welcome to #poetsunited!
My fave lines were:

"Noble is the heart of my beloved,
Gracious is her gaze that calms my soul."

$0.00

williamdidi (47) 7 years ago

thank you so much! i am glad you liked it

botefarm (69) 7 years ago

Am amazed at your level of poetry, I'll advice you to put in for the 100 days challenge.

thank you. i just found out about the challenge today but i hope i can still be considered. Much respect.

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amengual-r (45) 7 years ago

poems everybody...poems!! 👏👏

3 votes