Hey Guy,
This week I decided I wanted to give it a go at critiquing the master. I hope I don't bring too much Wrath down on my head. Lol. Teasing.
Anyway,
Upon first reading there were several things in the Palm that stood out to me. I noticed that you capitalized a few different words. The first letter of each word in the first 'sentence' is capitalized; for instance, and this pattern is carried through each stanza. It seems to be a way of making proper nouns out of improper nouns. A way of creating mythic symbolism. I think it works for the most part, but the capitalization of 'It' didn't quite work for me because it seems superfluous. I feel the same about the italicized 'Dream's'.
You are consistent with using the word dream as a name or proper noun throughout the piece, but in the third stanza you introduce a 'your Dream' and for me this confuses things a bit. I'm not sure if 'your Dream' is different from 'Dream'. I think if you cleared this up somehow it would help the piece. I don't have much time for this critique, but these are really the only two things that stood out to me as far as things I thought could be fixed or made better. I really enjoy your pieces. I hope I get more time in the future to make a longer comment. Thank you for everything you do.
Dream and It are capitalized like God/He are.
That "your Dream" was very much like that as well.
If you look carefully, there is "you are alone in the dream" which speaks of it not as a living entity, not as a mythic entity, in the second stanza. But then all capitalized uses are very much intended.
The italicization of Dream was added for this version of the poem, because of the immediate repetition. As a reading-stress.
Thank you for the reply Steve :3