Hi everyone!
I just found this doozy of a poem that I wrote about 18 years ago (yeah, this poem can vote now!). And man, it's bad. At least, it's bad in the original (in Macedonian). There are a few reasons why:
- It was written by a 14-going-on-15 me, clueless about love/sex/relationships, but very well-read and fed with romantic poetry of any kind the library had to offer;
- It was most certainly inspired by Michael Jackson's Who Is It?. How do I remember this, you ask? Simply put, the original version of my poem is a crude, even more romanticized version of the video of the Jackson hit, with more of a happy ending - lovers get together, hug it out, whatever. Ugh.
- Even the original title of my poem is the name of the Jackson song. What was I thinking??!?!?! (see the pic at the bottom of this post for more thought-provoking thoughts)
- The original is most assuredly written in the 'TELL' manner of the famous maxim SHOW, DON'T TELL. Trust me on this one, it's just awful, I'm somewhat more embarrassed than I thought I'd be by my own work.
Who Is It? was (still is?) one of my well-liked Jackson songs, but why and how it inspired me to write about stuff like this when Y2K was in literally all the news those days? No idea, really. Really really.
This only goes to show what a clueless teen I was, not realizing how connected everything is, how the similarly mundane, supposedly world-ending technologies could influence a poet's work.
I guess that I just didn't have the life experience that lead to a wisdom (of sorts) and approach to writing that is more rooted in the everyday, not in something idealistic/romanticized.
Therefore, here I offer you a more SHOW version, rather than TELL, slightly reworked into stanzas with a refrain of sorts (after all, it was inspired by a song, and songs do contain a part that is repeated - the chorus)
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MUCH LIKE WATER
The wet streets reflect
what the sky has to offer
a state of sorrow and weeping
soon to be snow
Water of any kind can hide tears
These wet cheeks object
to what’s running in my head
a scenario where we both lose
soon to be known
Water of any kind can hide tears
The music that envelops the room
offers a steady beat of sadness
it shreds any evidence that I’ve seen
your face in the last couple of hours
Water of any kind can hide tears
The chorus that is just so catchy
offers a steady diet of madness
it jumbles the words on the page
that is meant to describe you
Water of any kind can hide tears
I think of fancy words
like silhouette and threshold
I wonder how to use them against you
a thousand times over
Water of any kind can hide tears
I drink those fancy sodas
the farthest thing from liquor
I wonder how to drown you in them
but it just goes nowhere
Water of any kind can hide tears
So I turn to water as the rain washes
my image in the window
I take another sip, choke a bit, cough,
that’s how you feel right now
Tasteless but necessary
01 JAN 2000
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As you can see, the title is something I've also changed. This is also because it didn't feel like I borrowed the material from M.J.'s song/video, it did feel a bit like stealing.
But I can be better than that, I can make that theft better, because
Source Watch the video linked above and do tell - (to what extent) can you relate it to this version/translation of my poem? And also, does it tell what the feelings are, or does it show them (in)directly?
Thanks for your attention, everyone, and have an awesome what's-left-of-the-weekend!
RELATED POST: A SONG OF HER AND HIM
I personally enjoyed the writing and I have to admit that setting apart 'good theft' and 'bad theft' particularly hit home for me even though it was intended as a side-note. :c)
As for the poem - I get the impression that there is a 'tad' bit of malign intent towards the 'you' in it. :c)
I'm currently wondering if this is actually meant to be sung.
Thanks for the comment, @pathforger!
The side note that you mention is in fact the reason why I chose to translate this one poem in particular. The 'good theft' can also be called 'research' when you're writing a paper, of course, with citations and all.
is there a malign intent toward the 'you' in the poem - I honestly cannot tell. After all, that is open to interpretation, and the reader brings their own world into the poem, and tries to make sense of it. As for me, the author, I may or may not have written and translated this with such intent.
And I honestly doubt that this is meant to be sung; I'll have to leave that to more capable hands and/or ears.
Be well!