That is some rough shit and to pile a bad trip on it can't be easy.
This doesn't rise to the level of stuff that you are dealing with but I once had a friend drop a story about being diddled as a kid by some baby sitter after we had split 10 grams of mushrooms and that really screwed my head up for a while.
I know that I don't know you but if this might help I will say that I came up in a bad area and I ran with some bad crowds when I was in my teens and 20s. I had friends get shot, stabbed, od, and one died when he got too drunk and tried to walk home and stumbled in front of a truck. It is hard to keep on going after that type of stuff but that is the burden which those of us who keep on surviving have to bare, I think. From the things that I have gone through, I can tell you that it gets eaiser with time but the sense of loss doesn't ever go all the way away. The loss becomes part of us, it shapes who we are and how we move forward.
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