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Perhaps it is, and the only prescription, is more cowbell.
I work outside, so I'm generally pretty dark, plus I have some sorta zit thing festering on my nose

...Sure. I believe that. It all looks fine to me.

What is a plutard?

Petard, and it shouldn't be hung, but rather hoisted
To be hoisted by ones petard is to be blown up by ones own bomb, an analogy for creating ones own demise . However I think I screwed it up so bad it is hardly recognizable as the turn of phrase it's meant to be.

Yes, I thought a plutard was some type of fancy lederhosen or a type of stocking...
I was like... What? You hung yourself from your own stockings ...ok ...weird.