I get what you're saying that they don't know how to be dads. My dad's a workaholic, yet has horrific debts, so he works even more, so he never put in time for us, he was always so focused on his finances.
I think he has a form of PTSD, and since I have CPTSD, I think today, I can forgive some things due to my understanding of the illness. He was in the army, did things that are bound to cause trauma to a person. I wish he would open up more though, he's always so secretive, reserved. Maybe by opening up myself, it can help. I dunno. I'm not trying to save him, but I can better understand today too.
As an aside, I think the baby-boomer generation learnt a lot of things that is contradictory to how millennials feel life should be and it's possible that our generation of parents are stuck in old ways that aren't compatible with our way of being, a more sensitive, open and honest way of being. Not to mention a lot of the brainwashing they received from how society was in the 60's and 70's.
One of the things I've heard about baby boomers is they were one of the first generations of fatherless fathers, because so many of their fathers were in WW2 and either died or came back scarred, unable to cope properly.
I found that opening up to my dad was part of what healed our relationship. Problem is that you assume a lot of risk emotionally when you do that. I've had the support of my wife so I felt able to take that risk, even though it could have easily backfired.
I understand that. I've been able to open up about what I go through with CPTSD because or a narcissist, but I've not been able to reach out to him about his PTSD and what he's seen and lived. Perhaps some day I will get there.