Not an Addict

I’ll never forget
Waiting outside your apartment
Your five minutes are thirty
Wondering if I was too late
You couldn’t stop talking
Everything poured out
I hoped it would leave you empty
But there was no peace
You had something to prove I guess
See
How broken
See
How could you love me
(how could I not)
The shame came up
The truth of who you had been
But I wanted to tell you
That man is a stranger now
Just like this man
I was so scared
My God
Have you ever been so broken
To be on your ex lover’s couch at 5am
Out of your mind
Flirting with death
And then puking in your angel’s toilet
I will
Never
Forget
Holding your shaking body
Trying to get you to eat something
Finally getting you to bed
You climbed in first but stayed
close to the edge
You knew that was my side
It knocked the wind right out of me
When you reached over
And you clung
Like I was your last hope
And it hurt
God did it hurt
But I wanted that pain
I would still take it for you
You were there again in that moment
I hoped you’d stay
I woke you up in the morning
And I still recognized you
Though you didn’t have as much to say
I held you again
In the shower
You sat down
Put your head in your hands
And cried
I did too
For everything you are
But can’t be