You know Carol, that's a really good question.
Before I answer it, I want to say something. It could be seen as flippant, or as a deflection, but it isn't. Poetry is literature, and you certainly know that what we take out of literature depends on what we put in. Literature doesn't exist on the page, but in the place where text and reader meet.
As such, I will say that what you read in the text may not be "there", from my perspective. But since this is literature, that is just fine. The piece spoke to you, and it may speak in a different tone than the one I intended.
But it may also be that I put something there, and just didn't consider it.
Now, to the answer.
From the poetic side, it'd be quite a different piece, with very different themes, if it rested on what the writer brings to the table, to her. It wouldn't really be a piece of longing. And it'd quite likely be a longer piece. But regardless, it'd be a different piece. Not better, or worse. But different.
From the prosaic side, who speaks of what they have done for others? Politicians, and people crying over how they are not properly appreciated. This is not how you convince people. You are not the person to say what you can give another, because who's to say they ever asked for what you are giving? That side is left for her to give, to say what the poet is giving her. Any attempt from him to do so is folly.
**Rhetorical question, Guy!
I didn't expect you to answer it. Just, your poem led me to wonder. You're right, the poem is not the poet. The poem stands alone. We bring to the table suitcases packed with our ideas, memories, baggage. So I had to wonder: he yearns for her to return to him, bestowing her sunny smiles.... and what's in it for her? :)