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RE: Flying Turkeys (Original Poem and Photo)

in #poetry7 years ago

My highest praise is that while reading I thought, "Damn, this would make some pretty good spoken word/light rap," and indeed, it's intended as such.

The last line break the flow, but I do feel it is actually good, because these things often end almost wistfully, not with the staccato that carries them up to that point.

The double "pair" I feel works better if you give it more of a rap spin than a spoken word vibe, but yes, this is a strong piece. I don't have much more to say about it here.

The only thing I'd consider is to try and fit in "Squatting" and perhaps another "Squawking," to lean on that part of the sound.

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Thank you, Guy. I appreciate the thought. I chose to end it on a more serious note. Throughout the piece I wanted it to be kind of comically critical, but I wanted the ending to be straight faced.

I'll take your other into consideration as well.