Damnation on Dakota Dock
When I was old,
We’d take the stroll
and find our reflections
in splintered ice.
But now that I’m young,
Winter is done;
I’d see my new complexion
and roll the waters’ dice.
So rise on up now,
We’ve got till’ sundown
for you to scratch pictures
in your Dead Sea Mud.
Lay em’ out to dry,
For when I die,
I’ll read those black scriptures,
And say goodbye for good.
Let it be said,
Before I am dead -
Be careful on that
quickly fleeing shore!
The waves are the beat
Of your heart’s defeat,
And mankind’s caveat
follows with the waters’ roar.
Photos were taken in Maryland, with a Sony Alpha5000. VSCO was used for editing.
Hey @horzymandias, I like this poetic series of pairing locations with alliterative identities and crafting the wood down into these interesting quasi aphorisms on human nature.
Your use of slant rhymes kept the stanzas interesting and engaging, and, along with the succinct line lengths, helped the piece read smoothly.
I'm usually quite in tune to why I like or dislike something, but, in this case, I can't quite put my finger on why your last couplet is so striking to me:
maybe because of the rhyme scheme pulling it towards the opening of that last stanza, or maybe just the placement.
Either way, this is a fun read, mate, thank you for sharing.
Personally, I think one of the most underplayed tools at the poet's disposal is the real-estate tactic: location, location, location. I may be wrong, but I feel as though the ideals people espouse for certain locations (like a beachside dock) tend to be similar throughout. It's fun to play with that a little bit, and occasionally throw in a biblical reference somewhere around there (that never seems to hurt).
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Time washes away all ... great work in metaphor, horzY:)