The energy spins and flows around me.
As the mountain water flows through bush and tree.
I am the mountain the water and the tree.
I am the energy that flows so free.
We walk and we run and we drive and we fly.
We do and we don't and we will and we'll try.
Hung up on petty, frivolous lies.
I am free from these things, exploring the skies.
An eagle or dove, or any other bird.
To be what you're not is utterly absurd.
Be a finch, if you will, so calm and so still,
Then join me in skies above mountains and hills.
Well done mahn!!! Good poetry
that's an amazing poem I like the deep words that you used thanks for sharing such a good work ;)
amazing....:D
Very interesting! I like the imagery and the natural flow - the energy - of the poem. The structure however makes some lines difficult to read and comprehend fully; if you perhaps worked on your punctuation and form more, the rhythm and tempo of the poem would benefit, but apart from that, I love it!
Thanks! Really appreciate the constructive feedback. I'll definitely keep it in mind for next time, though I'm also going to claim "Not my best work" on this one :P Was half asleep last night when I got the itch to write.
Ahh, for a half asleep piece of work it's excellent! And you're welcome! Inspiration comes at the weirdest and most random times of day, it's great to express yourself in any way when it strikes! :)
Absolutely, sometimes it works in your favor! I tend to be more creative but less coherent at those times.
Yup! With time you will get better, but also coming back to the projects began, or even completed, during those times and fixing any tiny mistakes and errors can be very healthy for the artpiece :)
Doing that a bit here and there with some of my older pieces. Some are painful as-written, but have plenty of potential for clean up.
That's very good! :) As long as the original idea and motive behind it remains, it's great!