Straight up dark as it gets. When you find a bottom, that's when you're poised to make a real change. Maybe you're at that point? I spoke with you and you certainly aren't stupid, you're intelligent. Intelligence is potential, and you've got that.
Get yourself into an urban hub e.g. DETROIT.
The only things stopping you is you. You know what to do.
i honestly feel like i am going psychotic and especially more manic than i was a few days ago.
Maybe you just need a change of pace or some fresh air? I constantly feel as though I'm on the verge of losing my shit, but there's some beauty in it I think. If you can learn to saddle feeling absolutely crazy and focus/shift that into a positive direction, you can't be fucked with.
Talking to and being around people really helps. Like me and @robrigo were saying though, come check Detroit out!