Today in Tampa it's a rainy day so I think this poem I wrote a couple months ago is quite fitting for the mood I feel today. I have been writing poetry as an outlet to deal with emotions for as long as I can remember it never really came across as the rhymy stuff you learn to pen in grade school I just grabbed a notebook and wrote everything that came to my mind whenever I felt the words were ready to overflow. I felt so much sadness growing up, due to a tough childhood dealing with the mental illness of a parent and pretty extreme poverty. I don't regret that I was in this situation as it gave me a viewpoint on life that allotted for me to have a great deal of appreciation for the circumstances that create the choices we make daily. Your past can only control your future if you allow it to. If you give it power over your life you sacrifice your future to past decisions. Sadness is an emotion like any other I don't run from it I experience and learn from it and move on when it is time. It can be beautiful and it can be debilitating, balance is one of the most important lessons life's experiences will teach you. Anyways I hope you enjoy on this beautiful day.
Can I learn to write metaphorically
to make my feelings feel more all right.
If I could pen more eloquently and less honestly
maybe I wouldn’t be afraid to share what I write
but the depths of my soul
surface within my poetry
the darkness of my heart
feels most comforted
when ink bleeds
on white pages
not hyper-aware
that what emerges may not be accepted.
I paid enough debts to the gods
to purchase my freedom
what remains?
what am I chained to?
how can I explain
that the smile on my face
is not a reflection
of my innermost discussions.
If I were to drop my guard
and reveal the rotted corpse inside
how fast would you abandon my side
if positivity is a brain state
is my reality self created?
guide me to the switch
darkness engulfs,
doing everything not to lose my grip.
I’ve always wanted to write more
but who would listen to a sad girl
with a sad story there’s no illusion
a good conclusion brings joy
but that’s not my purpose
to satisfy the masses
with fables and fantasies
to chase a utopia
what of the ones
who don’t foolishly try to outrun
the unmoving cloud of sadness
you won’t see it coming
but it will hold you at night.
sensitive to the cold because it is all I feel inside
sun, I need your warm embrace to bring balance.
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