Sagging nettles framed settling bramble
branches, rats nested in my compost.
I flew above the scene like a drone, a machine.
Terrified to be grounded in humanity’s soft earth.
allotment show thrumming. Bees humming,
throngs of people milling in harsh white tents.
applause as they judged ‘the most-orange carrot’.
None noticed, as I sank through waterlogged soil.
stricken raised beds like shell-shocked soldiers,
choked with mustard stalks gone to flower.
No will to dig the loam, massage the earth,
my will sank in that mire, my growth expired.
while Tramadol and Valium ran their course
I saw as clear as day, that sun drenched bay
Seedlings bursting from glowing humus,
engorged on sun-light and balmy nights.
winking at sugar snap and weighty squash,
the spinach, indifferent, growing, virulent.
of heat haze. Days linger like hot welts
of a bee-stung kiss, raising goosebumps.
my back still creaked in morning light.
Legs slaked their thirst at pains return
Meanwhile my allotment withers,
my mind concocts anxiety dreams.
I would like to say a big thank you to the Isle of Writes discord group for helping me work-shop this poem. Particularly, I would like to thank sunravelme and geke for their comments and feedback.
Very interesting your poem! Thanks for the final advice, I will try to practice it in a notebook as you say !! It is really beautiful to write. Regards @raj808!!!
Thanks @saulrico. I'm glad you found the poem interesting and that I have inspired you to try keeping a dream journal. It really is a great tool for a writer to gain insights to the inner workings of the subconscious. Thanks for your comment and visit, it's much appreciated 🙂
Whao. Such a sublime piece you have here bro. You could definitely get this published in a literary mag!
Thank you @rasamuel. That is a high compliment indeed, about the poem being good enough for a literary mag, I really appreciate your words and encouragement. Thanks for your comment and visit 🙂
Nice words my friend!
Thanks @pharouq66. I appreciate your encouragement. Thank you for your comment and visit 🙂
I love the way you write. Lovely poem, you are a great writer.
That is so kind @tutufaith. I'm glad that you enjoyed the poem, Thanks for your comment and visit, it's much appreciated 🙂
Cool poem! It is interesting dream as well!
Ya, I have really crazy vivid dreams sometimes @simgirl. I'm glad that you enjoyed the poem, Thanks for your comment and visit, it's much appreciated 🙂
Wow nice one man! This is the first poem I have seen that I think that might be worthy for the allmighty curierators ;)
High praise indeed @futurethinker. I was happy with the poem after I wrote it and it only needed a very small tweak in the workshop. Sometimes with poetry it just flows out of you and then you read it and just smile. Other times you read it and go a little red in the face even though it's only you who can see it lol thankfully this one was of the first variety 🙂 I appreciate your encouragement. Thank you for your comment m8
Dear @raj808,
What a lovely collaboration on dreams, symbolism, and feedback. I just discovered Isle of Write today, and am thrilled to have your art in our midst.
The 3rd line internal rhymes, & stanzas of 3 lines add to the power of repetition of phrase and imagery, all creating an inescapable sense of concern.
A minor bit of coincidence- just this morning I was musing to myself about how much I enjoy the word 'smattering' and all its potential mashup meaning (It's mattering, lives matter, this matters, etc.), and here it is, clapping in my face.
Thank you @eyedreemit for your lovely comment and meaningful feedback on the poem. I shall look out for you in the Isle and shall be sure to check out your blog tomorrow after I have finished my nightly dreaming inspiration session 🙂
P.S. I get where your coming from on the word smattering, I love any words that are onomatopoeic - smattering, clattering cymbals smashing and vases shattering. Any of that good stuff 😉
Hello @raj808
You poem is really quite interesting as well as captivating
I am still learning in the art of writing poems, I still wonder how people are able to write poems with very long lines.
Nice one once again.
Happy to hear you enjoyed the poem @ifioklee. Keep writing and I'm sure your poetry will come on 'leaps and bounds' and you'll be penning rhyming couplets a plenty ;-) thanks for your comment
This was very interesting write and the dream themes really came through in the poetry. I loved the internal rhymes. Nice write.
Thanks @moeknows. Internal rhymes are a technique that run through all my poetry thematically. I'm glad to hear that the dream-like quality was effective. Thanks for your comment and meaningful feedback :-)
I should start writing down my dreams too..might me a good idea to analyze the subconscious..interesting poem!
I fully recommend the dream diary as a writer's tool @lidac. Thanks for your visit and comment :-)
Excellent! It took me a minute to realize the valium was real and not part of the dream...though I guess it was influential to the dream!
I have been very lazy when it comes to keeping a dream journal! Even though the more you do it, the more you remember and the easier it gets...it's tough to get started
Thanks for your dream and the poem!
Ha ha @senorcoconut, yes the Valium + Tramadol were very much real as was the creaking back unfortunately. I had a severe disk injury some months ago and the combination of the pain killers made for some extremely vivid dreams. I'm off them now but still continue to get the vivid dreams, which I'm quite happy about to be honest lol, it's good for my poetry ;-) Thanks for your comment, I'm glad you enjoyed the poem
You're welcome. That's the first good side effect I ever heard of from pain killers!