Sails whip, howling as the ship
slices the night in two.
Like fishing line
you cut me -
unfolding.
Sun beats down.
a single cloud frowns
in tepid blue,
petulant, like you
closing me down.
Wrapped up in,
self-enforced autonomy.
Spray-spat, salt-kissed, dismissed.
As speckled gulls wheel
in the mist.
The bow creaks.
Bottles sink bereft
of message, while aft
of stern, journeying
tern screech.
Whales breach
the roiling surface.
Emptying out to swallow
whole patterning seas.
Waves freeze solid,
making molehills of salt,
stuttering, time revolts.
Silence spreads
like rust climbing
the anchor chain.
We remain
swallowed by currents,
we can’t contain.
The photos used in this post are sourced from www.pexels.com 1 + 2, creative commons licence.
I would like to say a big thank you to the Isle of Writes discord group for helping me work-shop this poem. Particularly, I would like to thank carmalain7 and tessara for their comments and feedback.
hereIf you would like to join a fantastic community where we strive to help new steemians grow and develop, why not join me at #promo-mentors discord group which you can find . I am one of the poetry/fiction mentors over at #promo-mentors, if you have any questions or need any guidance with either of these tags please don't hesitate to ask for me, @raj808.
My favorite part of this poem has only been tightened by your edits and your more focused approach, the line breaks and the stanza breaks and the way you almost shield your cards and only put them down right when the reader needs to no about them, and no sooner.
Just some clever stuff that, I think, gives the scene of the windstrapped ship a touch more frantic-ness.
Fun read, @raj808, thank you for sharing.
Thanks carmalain7. Yes, I think it needed restructuring. Especially the run on line between verses gave me pause, and inspired the final edit and a full verse restructuring. The run-on didn't work at all. Thanks for the feedback m8, I appreciate it :-)
Very strong ending. Those words will stick with me
Thanks @hami. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Really glad that the final lines had the impact that I wanted. It's kind of a sad poem but comes from somewhere deep in my subconscious and from the past, which I have left behind. Ha ha, maybe I'll try writing something happy next poem I write. Thanks for checking it out mate :-)