Why i chose to be fatherless

Two shades of black i was adorned in flair to compliment my skinny self ,yet caution didn't hold the gravity of mourn from the past days ,sympathisers would only say they know i felt but never feel what i feel ,they only cared about who would now fend for the family ,who would stand by my mother,who would be my guide ,but less they just know never did they what transpired within me. David Peters ,the man who died ,i grew up to know him as a father but later did he become an enemy. thought of him peels breaks my shields leaving me defenseless striking back the feel of irritation from every penetration .I had just clocked 16 ,bloom of youth , grown to a woman at my early age ,my curves were no doubt irresistible as every dress flairs every corner and every curve .David peters cared for me ,i had never lacked a thing only the kind of affection i needed coming in accordance from both parents , lola Peters his wife had left 5year after my delivery claim he never cared about her contributions to build the family and she said he cheated ,with the maid she claimed. I had always been with my father and once a month my mom comes around .I had slept in the same bed as my dad due to my nyctophobia ,but had the age i had gotten over my age but yet my father took it as a ceremony to have me by his side all times ,he said he feared my mom would come take me away from him and leave him to suffer his guilt ,even though he claims he never did anything as my mother said at the judiciary when they had their divorce .Nights i would feel uncomfortable has he holds me close even to the sensual parts of me ,what did i know ,he is my father .Then it happened .On a dark evening my so called father came back, his steps motioned dramatically as those i have seen i the movies of drunks ,i wondered why he had to drink so much ,he had never done that as he seemed depressed ,i quickly rushed and helped him to the room and then wanted to leave ,he called back and asked if i wanted to leave him too,i was deprived of my own choice ,i laid with him .In the hours i felt his touch on my chest ,i resisted but he pulled back and soon he overpowered me,i struggled but only did it remain struggle not until he pulled out ,i had never felt so pained ,tears flood my lids and flowed down my chicks ,shocks on my chest and scars from the struggle became antihypnotic till the morning.
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He said he was not himself he was being controlled from the intoxication .So much love i had for him i forgave. Months passed and i stayed away from him,had my request reduced to shorten our communication ,did all he would ever need so he wont ask ,but did i not know he hadn't have enough of me .Not once ,even did i lost count of times he came mating with his own daughter,hate later became an understatement to what i felt towards him ,did not know who to blame ;God,David Peters ,Lola Peters ,or myself Bella Peters .well here am i at the burial ceremony of David Peters.