Big ups to you @dobartim.
I must confess that your a creative writer. I admire the imagery you have adopted in your lines. No doubt it has aesthetic value to this piece.
My observation however is that the piece would be wonderful if its patterned into stanzas and verses.
Thank you, make one poetry
Seriously?
On what topic?
Tell me, and I will gladly do it in due course.
Better still check out my blog, I had done poetry on RIVER DROWN and MIS GOOD.
But I recommend you read the first. Its really motivating.