I'm glad seeing this, hearing this. After I went through all of your spoken word pieces on Soundcloud I was actually quite sad that I've run out of new pieces with your voice and the alliterative style you favour to listen to <3
Speaking of which, I'd lose the voice manipulation effects. Your sound and words are really all of the instrumentation I think you need, and that this is a case of "All that add, detract," which is an idiom in Hebrew :)
As for the poem, I think the biggest thing here is that the theme of memories comes through even without knowing that it is the theme for the piece, and without the word being mentioned in the piece.
"Cinders" though. I like the two ways the word is used here, and how they interact. Cinders, all that are left of a memory. The memories are gone. Burnt away. Were the memories fake, nothing but cinder-material, or were they real, and burnt away? Or are the memories real, but memories of cinders, of something that was but has been burnt away?
"A bubble of words, a cinder book." A bubble of a babble of words. Words are nothing but cinder in the air, something that burns, and then burns away. To show, with hands, with voice.
So what was never there? The origin of the words? The support? Makes one wonder.
P.S. Cheetah is at least well-meaning. Don't be angry at a bot aimed to better the place. False-positives are a thing, but it's all meant well <3 Besides, doesn't help to be angry with an automated service.
As I said earier to you, I like the mix. :P So there!
Guy, you really bring such a high level of deconstruction to written works -- I love the attention to the word 'Cinder', it is clear a key element here, in the written word and in the visual display I presented.
Dust, and cobwebs, messy web like hair, filters and distortion... there was so much to play with and part of why I like working with the visual, audio and the written word is to deepen the idea at hand.
Thank you for this well though out response. <3
*Cheetah is doing good work, but I've had to point out to that bot that my content is ALL mine and when it points to the internet it's pointing to MY work. lol. It needs to get smarter already. I'm not mad, I'm being cheeky. :P
After our talk today, I can't help but think even more of "Cinder", and of Cinderella.
Behind the scenes info always makes it easier to put the story together. ;)