Who's At Your Table?
Our very own Tuck Fheman used to host a weekly poker game back in the day. He had everything one would need for hosting a bad ass fucking home game. Including: professional table, automatic shuffler (that fucker was expensive), 100% casino quality playing cards, and a plethora of unique players to say the least. Our game of choice was 1/2 NL holdem, buy was $200 max. We would have some wild nights of poker, with some players cashing out as high as $700. Definitely not a game for the faint of heart.
The Poker action aside, my favorite aspect of Tuck's game were the people who walked through the door. We had all sorts of characters sit down at that table. Moms, dads, broke people, rich people, drugged out people, drunk ass people, poker shark people, brainless people, and believe it or not, even murdering people (allegedly).
The 5 Types Of Players
Drunk Donk - This is the guy who feels society owes him something for being a douche. Mind you he hasn't done much to be owed anything. He comes to the game, gets totally sloshed, and donks away stack after stack. Although, as we all know, even a dog gets his ass shined on from time to time. So on exceptionally lucky evenings, he would drunk donk his way to hundreds in profit.
Pilled Out Zombie - Now arguably, this was the most entertaining person to have at your poker game. Although rather sad, considering these type of people were obviously trying to fill some void in their life with the use of barbiturates. These type of people would come to the game, pop a few pills, and proceed to zombie out as they donked away chips. At times they would literally fall into a semi-conscious daze and would have to be rattled awake. They had absolutely no business at a poker table, let alone for stakes such as ours. But hey, they were great as chip faucets.
Roided Out Psycho - This is the person who showed up, juiced to the max, ready to fight anyone who looked at them directly. They were just angry and pissed off at the world, and wanted you to know about it. They saw a reraise as a personal attack, and would most certainly push all in trying to intimidate you. This kind of person was a little scary to deal with as a human. But as a poker player, they had no skills what so ever, and were extremely easy to put into tilt mode.
Quiet Shark - This is the type of player you did NOT want to bump onions with. They were there for one thing, and one thing only...to take all your monies. They did not allow themselves to get caught up with the other characters at the table. They simply played their cut throat brand of poker. If this person has chips in the pot, you better have a monster.
Away From Wife Donk - My very favorite type of player. The guy who comes to the game because they really just want somewhere to go where their wife won't follow. They were what we in the biz call, "dead money". It was quite a unique site to see someone come in, have a couple of drinks, a few tacos, and casually donk of $200. And when it was all over, they would thank you and leave quietly...usually with a smile on their face.
Thank you for joining us this morning for a little light-hearted poker talk. Don't forget to join us this evening for some freeroll action.
What: 20 SBD Freeroll
When: Tonight @ 7:00PM Central / 8:00PM Eastern
I know :
Elephant, Shark, Call Station and Maniac
Never heard about your classification.
Away From Wife Donk seem suitable for me.
Ha, just a little personal classification. Thanks for reading.
haha very good!! Followed and resteemed!
bump onions?
Lol, it means: to challenge someone. I assume it came from some way back cultural thing where people used to literally smash onions for whatever reason.
I was wondering about that too lol
If your in a table and don't know who the fish is....your the fish..
Very true. "If you can't spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker."
This is my face while playing poker LOL
Lol, nice!! I'd be cracking up if I saw that at the table.
LOL. While I am playing, they all laughing at me because they say I looks like pooping LOL
Haha!
most amazing post evah. I really wish I was playing at one of those cash games with you guys. Unfortunately it was probably like 50-60 years ago. :wink:
Lol, almost a century ago ;)
Tuck is sooo old that I bet a $200 max buyin then was equivalent to $100K now. Some big stakes..or in your case BigP, big Steaks.
LMAO Well played, sir. Well played.
This sounds EXACTLY like all the bar games from my home town. Even down to the self proclaimed murderers.
HA! That's awesome, Vegan. I bet some of these characters are quite common among poker games around the world.
Right. There are many reasons to get involved in poker; money, beating the odds, the thrill of a big hand, but it's the people that have kept me hooked on this game for so many years. There's no where that you'll meet a more colorful cast of characters than you will sitting around a poker table. At least not in my experience.
Must agree with you. I just love the overall atmosphere of live games. Everything from the gambling aspect, to the food, to the old guys who don't give a rats ass about being nice to anyone.
I believe I'm a combination of an away from wife donk and quiet shark.
HAHA!! That is probably the best combination of a poker player. At least, from the above options.
lol thanks.
Well, I dislike them all!
I like to have good friends who enjoy the game.
The drunk and the pilled out give me nothing for my time or money. I hate taking money from chip faucets.
The quiet shark is nice to have because with that practice you can really up your game. But, you really got to get them talking.
So, I guess I would choose a whole table of away from wife donks.
Lol, that is not a bad way to go. And most home games I would say are as such. Ours was a little different. I mean most of us were all friends, but that did not mean we had an issue with taking someones car note for the month.
I think I am a DonkeyShark
Haha! Now that is impressive. Throw everyone a curve ball. I like it though.
I look forward to playing poker with you all... After I get up to a (35) reputation score, I'll be paying poker with you all on regular basis, but watch out, because I'm a Quiet Shark, who I will take all of your poker chips.. lol
Very nice! Look forward to having you join the SPL. See you at the tables.
Characters are always welcome, but you know blacky is always a quiet shark.
Oh snap, Black dropping the shark talk. You goin down, sir. But probably not buy me, cause I am a combination of everything above, minus the shark. ;)
I am a few of those i guess. Nice write up!
Well, guess I could of fit into 3 of the 5 one time or another.
@tuck-fheman now this is what i found is really awesome