Dufus starting behind the rest of the field. (copyright dharmapee pics ltd)
In a shock move last night, at an international athletics meeting in Switzerland, three American athletes in the final of the 100 meters seemed to pause momentarily in the ‘set’ position before pursuing the talent-packed field. Commentators during the race seemed utterly bewildered at what appeared to be a deliberate act of self- sabotage – at the season opening finale at the prestigious event held in Basle. The race was won by Lawrence Zip (Jamaica, 9.97), two seconds ahead of the fastest, fifth placed American (Dufus, 12.01). All three refused interviews after the race, and a spokesze for ASS (American Society of Sprinters) called an impromptu conference in a densely packed pressroom:
“For too long African-Americans have been victim to gun-crime gone wild…’ stated Michael Takken, (a 49-year-old transgender): “We call on all our fellow athletes to join in solidarity with this cause, action must be taken to end this racist holocaust. From now on, when the gun fires, we will pause for a single second of solidarity with those she’s and ze’s and, yes, even sometimes he’s, for whom the gunshot is the last sound they hear in our broken, racist, misogynist society.”
Commentators and observers of the sport seem taken aback by this latest escalation in the culture wars, and relatively divided on the matter. Fox Sculder of RT pressed Takken on the practical consequences of this latest protest:
“But delaying the start of a sprint, of all things – you’re going to end up losing every race – there’ll be no Americans left in any races that matter if you’re actually successful in this?”
Takken’s response was immediate, and obviously heartfelt:
“Precisely – how better raise awareness of this crucial issue than by not winning, when everyone expects you to…? Losing is how we are going to win and really start changing things.”
ASS’s sister organisation ASJR (American Society of Jumping Runners), representing hurdlers, was supportive when contacted on this. Their spokeshuman, Sharon Netenyahu told us:
“This is fantastic, I can think of absolutely no other way to get people thinking about this properly. I will be proposing to our members that we stop and sit for a moment on the final hurdle in our races… especially at the big meets...”
But the ASS sponsored move has not been welcomed in all quarters. The Shotput Union of Kentucky (SUK) released a statement that any of its members taking action in this way will be immediately suspended, in the air, from strong elastic.
But perhaps the most unexpected, eloquent and vociferous opposition to this latest artillery barrage in the culture wars came in an statement on behalf of American Transgender Cyclists (ASTBHPM) from their Specific Secretary Melany Blanco:
“These people are nuts. This doesn’t help us. Every so-called group has been victimised, historically, somewhere and sometime, on a horrible scale. This ‘group’ has no monopoly on victimhood at all, just on stupidity it seems. As usual, a handful of psychopathic rich people with the emotional maturity of a 4-year-old savaged potato are distracting everyone by setting people against each other so they don’t look at who is really ruling the roost and running away with all the goodies… I am recommending to my members, in the strongest of possible terms, that if they see any athlete’s asses in the air after the start of any race, to realise that they now have somewhere to park their bikes. That is a real issue for us; the cycle sheds are always full.”
Disclaimer: Any similarity to person or persons, ideas, events, feelings or sensations, living or dying, is likely the result of unconscious sifting and nothing to do with legally prosecutable intent. Love to all athletes, transgenders, psychopaths, and especially cyclists, alike. Db
