I have a son who has differences. Up to fifth grade he had no problems socially, could learn very well, scored "above grade level" on all standardized tests, and was kind to everyone. But he would not speak when he was anxious, and that went double for stern unsmiling teachers which is the type he encountered in fifth grade. So rather than tell the teacher to smile at him once in a while, the school convinced me my son should be classified "emotionally disabled". Ever since I made that fateful mistake, thinking he would be even more successful in school, his schooling went south.
The schools convinced me he needed to be in a special ed program if he wanted to be in public school at all. They also told me they would place him in the "least restrictive settings", "inclusive" settings, and that he would get services to help him conform. I listened to the "professionals" against my better judgement. This turned out to be a terrible idea.
Once he was classified special ed, every now and then he would have a wonderful teacher who felt blessed to have him in their class, because he is truly wonderful. But for the most part he began to have no end of trouble with regular classroom teachers who did not feel they should have to teach him, and that he and others like him should be taught separately from the other children. All it took to destroy his educational experience was to give him a label that he was somehow different, and put a note in his file.
So the lesson I learned was, if you suspect your child of having differences, it might be best to not let the schools know. Get private evaluations and private tutoring. Homeschool. Waldorf.
And value your child's differences - differences spring from their strengths, and are not their weaknesses.
I have begun to question the value of public education at all. It is really just a vehicle to make us all think alike and feel comfortable being essentially imprisoned for most of the day, designed to force the differences out of us. And this has all gotten much much worse since the "no child left behind" nonsense.
Thank you for reading my sad sad story. I have edited it because the first iteration was too negative. I apologize for that.
I hope the day comes when we know that those of us who are a bit different are blessings, not burdens.
Thank you so much for sharing this very personal experience. I am very strongly with you here, this sort of response only separates people. It’s is horrible the way the system is designed to meet certain goals, and the focus on measuring those goals means everything else falls by the wayside. What’s more frustrating is that everyone has their own set of weakness and flaws, and yet the people who don't conform to the norm get labeled as a problem. Yet the issue isn’t in the actual observation, but in the way it is approached. Here, as you say “rather than tell the teacher to smile at him” – an observation was made, that wasn’t inaccurate, but the way it was responded to seriously worsened the problem. In a way it’s like the focus from the school was on the wider picture, they were looking at how to solve the problem for them, not for your son. And I don’t know what it’s like where you are but it is a bit of a systematic problem, schools have targets and goals to meet, and take the easiest route of making it the child’s problem. It is very much the case that our differences are our strengths, what in one situation can hold someone back, can put them at a massive advantage elsewhere, education shouldn't be 'one size fits all and if it doesn't well that's your fault'. And completely agree with you, the Rudolf Steiner schools, care villages, homes, pretty much everything are such a wonderful alternative. What they do isn't even revolutionary, it wouldn't be hard for all schools to take a more considered approach.
This is a very good and thought provoking answer, inclusion isn’t arbitrary, it isn’t making a ‘special’ place for ‘special’ people, or labeling people and treating them as the thing they are instead of a person – although there are organizations that might argue that. Inclusion is valuing differences and seeing them as strengths, and working with them instead of separating them out and I am happy you managed to find that for your son. Segregation is never inclusion, and the idea that a school would take separate kids for the sake of inclusion would be laughable if it wasn’t such a sad story.
And this has been a very interesting one for me personally, someone very close to me when through all their schooling undiagnosed, getting the diagnosis as an adult was an emotional experience but they felt it was probably better as having that label in school would have meant they were treated differently, which was exactly what you encountered.
This is one we can all learn something from, thank you very much for this!
And thank you for that response! I've felt quite alone with this "burden" that has taught me a great deal and put me on a different path altogether. For that I am grateful to my son for being who he is. I have become who I am largely because of him.
But his problems are far from over. I could write another one of these regarding the treatment he gets from doctors if I tell them he has emotional differences. Doctors then just want to ply him with a boatload of drugs. So another thing I have learned is don't tell the doctors or they give him less thought, and it is super important to not tell doctors in hospitals, or they almost immediately tell me he should be in "psych". I've found that it is better the doctors think I am over-protective rather than he is "crazy". Just so you know, his offence is to remain too silent, he is not violent or disruptive in any way. He is thoughtful and wary, with good reason. I stay in the hospitals with him, even if they tell me I have to leave. He is less safe there than he was in school.
Both our educational system and our medical system are awful awful awful, yet have enormous power. They are both harming all of our children from the moment of birth. Two traps we willingly walked right into.
Thank you for listening and appreciating!
Hi! I just wrote a freewrite I am very happy with that is related to and partly inspired by this contest. Here it is!
https://steemit.com/freewrite/@owasco/weekend-freewrite-4-20-2019-schoolhouse
Glad that you reached there. Sorry it had to take painful experience. But being bricks in the wall is not what we dream of anymore. At least we have more choice. Some may be comfortable with being bricks, actually. I am not.
Thank you for your response. Public schooling has been a terrible mistake in my opinion. Now the medical system is doing further damage for our whole lives, not only when we are children. I often wonder what future thought about this era will be. The era we willingly poisoned our minds, our bodies and the planet.