Well, I think that your goverment lacks some kind of spice, a core that makes it function differently. Your idea has not enough revolutionaizing in it. I feel that it is not realy going to lead to much of a change as some of those points you made have been already kind of being in use whithout bringing that hoped outcome.
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Mhh I kinda agree and when I was younger revolution to something like communism or anything other than capitalsim sounded pretty sweet. But I realized some time ago, that radical change won't work, because people don't like change. Therefore I decided to look at specific problem and try to better them, while applying the above general principal to evalute my ideas.
Revolution of communisms has gone long ago. What I mean is that I think the very core must be changed to be able to make change. This core does not have to be more than a change in the idea for what the system works! That helped me to introduce my own goverment, that may appear as not actually changing anything.