Dear @jaynie,
I am so sorry for your lost. I know that I am not really in any position to give "words of wisdom" but, I just want to tell everyone out there: if you do not feel right/comfortable with any situation or anything that you do, you should find a voice to say so. Speaking up and telling someone about it helps ALOT.
And, another thing that worked for me, consciously make the choice to walk out of anything that weighs you down. It might me a grudge, frustration, anger, hatred or, unresolved issues in the past. It might really be difficult at first but, eventually, you'll get there. Just make the choice to stop feeling victimized, hurt, betrayed, aggravated, used or whatever negative way you felt.