I don't know what to call it, I'm just in the space. I don't remember my dreams unless they are something that disturbs me and even then they fade away fast. Not sure what is going on with me, seems to be a block somewhere that I don't know how to remove. I know the theory and the doing about visualising what I want but rarely does it come to me. Really had enough of living in lack, and with not many years left to live I really would like to do what I want to, travel, write and take photos, but being barely able to survive each week until the next money comes in travel etc is a only going to happen on a wish and a prayer, and done that and find I'm a bit old now to keep doing that hardly knowing where I will sleep. When I was young it was not a problem so much as I'd just go and sleep by the side of the road and food would come and etc. If I could make £30 a day I could do what I want. I don't write these days as much as I used to do with passion, now I just push them out and post them and forget. Not too sure that if I learnt about my unconscious side I wouldn't find despair and hopelessness there. Perhaps if I had ten years of therapy I could find some kind of relief, but I spent all my money doing that over a few years and got ripped off mostly. Now all I own fits in a small suitcase. I also feel fear coming as I age that I will not have anywhere to go when I'm too old to look after myself. So I go onwards and hold in the despair and fear and hope that things will work out; but I've always done that all my life and it looks like it isn't going to change. And yes, I've read suitcases of books about the secret and such, and yes I've been meditating for over 40 years, and yes etc etc... Thanks for your comment, I wish I could remember my dreams in a way that didn't do me any harm...
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