"My Promo-Mentors Writing Challenge" : I will be what I have to be even my father is not here today

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Source: https://steemit.com/challenge/@promo-mentors/promo-mentors-challenge-who-were-the-most-influential-persons-in-your-life

It's not easy to be me.. it is not easy to be like i am today, many things I have gone through, many failures have I encountered. Initially the failure always made me slump but now the failure is nothing more than a complement to my life. It's like eating without chilli feels like nothing, life without fail is not life. Because of failure we learn how to value every effort at a time when desire is achieved.

I am a wanderer who never settles in one place, I love traveling, enjoying how to re-adapt when I am in a stranger place, enjoying every introduction process with new people, and enjoying all the sense of loss, and at a certain point I had to go back home because it was the safest place in my life.

Then who is the most influential person in my life until I duplicate her/ him into my present one? A definite answer is my Dad. Every daughter's first love is her father, but everyone has a reason why the figure of a father becomes an idol in her life.

Let's talk about my father

Memories of ten of years ago keep coming up if I start remembering the father figure, this happened when I was in elementary school, then we were on vacation to Medan. A hill located in Brastagi - Medan became our destination for a vacation with our huge family. I was a child who wants to try and want to know everything. Until when I was on the edge of the cliff and wanted to step onto a ladder that was about 2 meters away, my legs landed wrong and finally fell on the depth of the cliff. When my eyes opened again the first person I saw was my father, and patiently he carried me wherever I wanted to go, until he was convinced that I really could walk on my own. It certainly did not last just a day, but it took weeks.

He was the most patient person that I have ever known, when he taught me about math lessons. Though the next day he had to go to the office and had to rest, but he did not stop teaching me until I understood very well about the lesson. And I was tired of learning that night, so that's me who never liked mathematics maybe because the thinking is too complex.

Although he was given an official car facility by the office, he never dropped me off or picked me up at school except for my first week in junior high school and when there was a flood. Maybe at that time I felt that he did not care, but now I realize that it was all his form of love towards me, indirectly he trained me to be a strong person, who does not need to rely on others.

That was my Dad who never wanted to spoil his children, never helped when I had a problem, but he believed I could solve my own problems. A tough man who never shows affection through words but from actions that may seem as though they are deliberately done so that the child can be strong, independent and unshakeable.

Unfortunately he left forever when I was sitting in the 3rd grade of junior high school. He passed away, I lost the figure who makes me proud in my life. I lost his physical form. But never losing his spirit, for that reason I am transformed to change like my father, have all his patience, being a risk taker seems to be everything from him I am a replica into myself, because no one can replace him from my heart until now.

Until one day someone awakened me that regardless of how much we love other people we have to be ourselves..no matter what. Realizing that it was indeed the biggest mistake I ever made, fear of being a complete self, I finally tried to become completely self again, without having to be anyone.

Every human has done the wrong part, but by denying a mistake that has been committed is a mistake that is greater than the failure itself. Disclaimer is a selfish thing. Want to be someone else by forgetting who I really am, what I am going to do? How do I achieve something with the power I have. I was rejecting myself, and I established a very high wall then I am not going anyway. Until finally I realize that the wall must be demolished by me.

I will not mention that person in this post, but I am sure that (s)he knows who I really mean, and I am very grateful to the Lord for his/her presence in my life that has reminded me of all this.

I created this article for joining the "Who Were the Most Influential Persons in Your Life?" contest that held by @promo-mentors, but the greatest award I dedicate to my dear Father and someone who has opened my eyes not to be afraid to confront myself by hiding in others.

Regards,
@fararizky