I’ve wanted to write about what was possibly my strongest psychedelic experience, and what I make of it as a philosopher, for a while now. I was waiting until I figured out an interpretation and implications that were solid and definitive – but in truth I think that’s never going to happen.
I should first point out that at time and place I had this experience, the substance I used was not illegal. As a general rule, I’d prefer to change (or altogether remove) a bad law rather than break it – and I’d encourage others to consider doing the same: Remember, some forms of disobedience actually support the status quo. As for the organisations that are trying to make these changes, that’s a post for another day.
Some years ago, around the turn of the millennium, I managed to acquire some Salvia divinorum - Diviner's Sage - extract. This wasn’t the first psychoactive drug that I’d had experience with (I had previously drunk alcohol after all), but this one filled me with a sense of caution, foreboding or, for want of a better word, gravity. I’d read up on it online, done my homework on possible dosages and effects, and had tried a little – just enough to feel it.
What I couldn’t seem to do was psych myself up enough to take a ‘breakthrough’ dose. Not, at least, until I staggered home one night from a party. Full of beer-fuelled courage & lack of caution, I got my insomniac flatmate to act as a sitter, grabbed the improvised smoking implement, and said: “Let’s do this!”
The mechanics of smoking that much salvia extract in a short time are un-edifying – basically my friend kept packing his bong with it and handing it to me until it hit me.
After the 5th or 6th, I handed it back to him and lay down on the floor as reality quickly dissolved in a tessellating shower of brassy squarish-fractal sparks.
I found myself, disembodied, in a place of vaguely undulating, golden, and somewhat foggy glowing light. There wasn’t anyone else there, but I didn’t feel as if I were alone – though I say ‘I’ with some reservation. I don't think it was ego-death, more just that there was no room to consider my self-identity: like if you're surfing a big wave, you aren't thinking about what it means to be 'you' (or I don't at least).
Looking across the fields of light, I felt an instinctive understanding that what I perceived as distance in this place was actually a separation in time; that elsewhere and else-when were similar or interchangeable. I took this to be the perspective that one might have if your consciousness was made of disembodied light. This wasn’t an abstraction; it felt overwhelmingly real and all-encompassing.
It might not sound like much compared to self-replicating machine elves and serpent-spirits, but the strength and immediacy of what I felt I knew was extreme. I understood where I was, and how this related to my normal waking life, deeply and fully. I understood the light because I was the light and for a moment the tesseract of spacetime made sense.
I didn’t have much recollection of time passing, but soon enough the fluffy golden light bled away and I re-joined everyday reality laying on my friend’s floor. Apparently, I’d been there for some minutes mumbling ‘time is a vector’ or something like that. I put myself to bed, not at all looking forward to integrating this experience whilst hungover. Side note: for the next few days I really felt like that plant had psychologically kicked my ass, and deservedly so. If you are lucky enough to be somewhere where it’s legal, do try to treat it with a bit more respect than I did.
What to make of this experience though? Did the plant show me some metaphysical truth? I’m not sure. And even if it did, I’m not sure what to say about it.
My ideas about what was going on clearly tracked an idea from one of my favourite books: Last Legends of Earth, by A.A. Attanasio. In this book (and in fact the whole series), Attanasio presents a dramatization of consciousness, karma, reincarnation and afterlife via some very entertaining speculation. Namely, that the electromagnetic radiation from our nervous systems radiates into empty space during our lifetimes, and stays there forever, expanding into the void at the speed of light, carrying our consciousness with it once it’s free of our material bodies. Dead characters in these books even describe the vantage point of their mode of existence as being in the ‘fields of light’.
Does this mean I just imagined an illustration of an idea I found both fascinating and appealing? I can neither confirm or deny the truth of what I saw. (For what it’s worth, Attanasio, who was nice enough to correspond with me at length about metaphysics via email, was quite circumspect on whether or not he actually believed his dramatic cosmology.) I‘m not too worried that I drew from the experience and framework I had, in order to interpret what happened, because that’s what we always do - even with our everyday mundane experiences.
I think a big part of the difficulty here is fitting something into language where there are no appropriate causal linkages between what I experienced and the words I have at my disposal. There’s normally a certain kind of relation between our words and the world, but a breakthrough psychedelic experience breaks this relationship down - temporarily at least.
Ludwig Wittgenstein said “What can be shown cannot be said” - things that can’t be formed into sensible and sayable propositions can only be shown. He put things like the logical form of the world (in its most total sense), ethics, metaphysics, and ‘the mystical’, into this category of things that are not sayable.
I’m not totally sold on everything Wittgenstein puts in the unsayable category. But when it comes to experiences of this nature, I think he’s on the money. I can’t tell you what I saw, because the experience has no connection to the words I currently have. More than that, if Wittgenstein is right, this isn’t a matter of finding better words - there are some places where language simply cannot go. Thus, I can paint a picture for you using words, but no words can interpret the relation between this picture and what actually happened.
Though I’m not not new to philosophy, I am new to trying to analyse these experiences philosophically. So this isn’t as good as what someone like Peter Sjöstedt-H or William James would come up with. Nonetheless, I hope it’s given you all something to think about -I certainly exercised my brain writing it!
Thanks for reading. Obviously, upvotes and resteems are appreciated, but I love comments too! Please feel free to share your thoughts, observations questions etc.
I enjoy reading about entheogenic experiences, specially about Salvia.
It is indescribably hard to write about it though, as, like you said, words completely fail when you live such a unique and eerie experience, it is just ineffable.
You did an astounding job describing it, however. I felt (more than imagined) how your experience must have been like, and I do hope that you venture in the experience again, this time with a sober state of mind... If you do, you need to share it with us!
Psychedelics can offer profound benefits to anyone looking to enhance their consciousness, but it is great thinkers as yourself that can bring back something from the experience, and communicate it in ways that can inspire and benefit people who would not be willing to go into those extreme experiences.
Thanks for your writing!
PD. This is a little Salvia plant that I've been struggling to keep alive and healthy:
Thanks for the kind words! It's not what I normally write about. But, honestly, I'm sick of writing about what other people tell me to.
I will certainly report back on any other experiences I have - although it's hard with this plant in being technically illegal in most states in Australia.
It's sad to hear that. I hear Australia has particularly strict rules regarding this sort of plants, even Kratom is illegal! (I think)
Some of us are working on that - but it's a long process. It's practically a national sport to be an alcoholic, but anything else and you could be in deep trouble. Even our medical cannabis schemes have been deliberately structured to make it almost impossible to get access.
Cute! How long before it's ready to harvest?
Still a while man. This comes from a cutting I made from a much bigger plant I used to have. My Salvia plants keep dying on me!
I have never experienced the effects of Salvia but am moderately familiar with the indescribable.
I really liked how you tied in the reference to Wittgenstein bringing it back to the interplay between language and metaphysics, between our use of meaning and, for want of another way of saying, the presented World.
In regards to psychedelics, the question remains, what is it exactly that is shown?
To me it seems that there is a certain immediacy, and an awareness of presence, that is hard to deny and yet perhaps it falls outside our usual questions of what is true or false, real or an illusion?
What seems undeniable is that the World is in a sense undeniably inexplicable, and perhaps we need to accept that while our words and theories may give us sign posts the possible ways of seeing what is shown are inexhaustible?
Its a humbling lesson to be reminded that what exists is, in a sense, beyond us, and our understanding, even while we interact with what is shown everyday.
And perhaps it is good to be humble about what we think is true or false and to have our foundations shaken sometimes to remind us that there is more mystery to the World then we can ever describe.
Cheers.
(I ramble, but hey, i like to do so). lol
p.s. thanks for the heads up about your new experiment on steemit.
Hey, now there's a familiar face - on your introduceyourself post at least. Thanks for the thoughtful reply. What is shown? If could say what I'm showing, would you understand it? (Would I?)
Hey, I'm still learning the ropes :)
Geez. and what with the difficult questions? All I can say is, I cannot say.
Your experience sounds very similar to the ones that I have had when using salvia. Its really hard to makes sense of what is actually going on and if the experience is all in your head or if you are witnessing another dimension lol. The trip is so fast and discombobulated - like trying to remember a dream.
I'm glad people are sharing their experiences though. Maybe together we can figure this mystery out lol
Hey, hey! I've always wanted to try Salvia, despite my fear of a bad trip. How long did your experience last? And which psychedelics have you tried before, if it isn't personal?
OK - so here's my take on it (which may not generalise for everyone): The experiences I had with Salvia were never bad as such. But on this occasion it did leave me somewhat jumpy and unsettled for a few days afterwards - like someone was watching me even when no one was around (which, depending on your beliefs, you might say was exactly what was happening).
I'm told it lasted under 10 minutes. I couldn't tell form my perspective as I'd just experienced what I thought being outside of time looked like! The after-effects take a while to taper off - so no driving or operating heavy machinery or lighting BBQ's for at least 2 hours.
Before that I'd tried LSD, weed, poppers, and Brugmansia (plus a pretty long list of milder plant-based entheogens) - but had also had some pretty interesting experiences with mediation, sleep deprivation, exhaustion, and lucid/semi-lucid dreaming (though not all at the same time!)
Thanks for sharing your experience. It seems like a lot of people have really bad experiences with salvia. I don't know if that's the nature of the plant or if people respect it less because it is more widely available and and not a scheduled drug.
Well, whatever it is, 'fun' isn't a word I'd use to describe it. I don't think everyone who set out to market it for profit from the 90's onward had either their customers or the plant's best interests at heart.
I've never has the great fortune of meeting this plant, although I have been interested.
I'm not personally that interested in working with plant medicine in that way anyway (I am a trained herbalist), however I completely hear you about respecting the medicine and taking it in a reverent manner. Something I too have learned from past mistakes 😉
Loving reading your posts and take on life, the universe, and everything.
😊🙏🏽☯️
marvelous piece again.
Very recognizable.
I could really relate to your experience.
It's indeed a very strong psychedelic which not to be taken lightly.
That's why it sort of "scared" me that it almost became some hype a few years ago....kids doing this for fun, feeding the stigma's etc.
Not a lot of people write such articles about their experience with this plant, so it's always nice to see such an experience shared.
Education is key, and there is no better way in educating than not educating ;)
Loved the article. Thanks!
Thanks @limael. I agree with how this plant was/is marketed - as I'v said elsewhere, I think this was quite unscrupulous. I also think it's important to talk about this stuff - I've wanted to write this ever since Psymposia strted doping their 'Psychedelics because' thing a few years back.
that is an interesting link you gave me.
thanks a lot for that, never heard of them before.
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amazing description. This is one psychedelic that I've been yearning for as soon as I first heard of it.
It's certainly powerful. Pity about the legal situation here in Australia though.
Im just hoping i can find someone local to buy a cutting from. Id be more interested in trying the raw salvia rather than an extract, apparently its a more gentle expierience.
Powerful stuff, I am not as brave with this substance as I am with mushrooms or DMT. I have a healthy respect for its power and only chew the leaves. Smoking it is a miserable death for me.
A lot of people seem to be moving back to the traditional methods these days - chewing the leaves. If I did go back to it, I don't think I'd smoke it. And being brave is subjective - different folks are comfortable with different substances.
I think my first experience has forever ruined any future chance of smoking it again. I will stick to the occasional mushroom experience and stay in my place. Salvia is a unique experience and I'm glad to have experienced it.
I'm really happy you had a great experience on salvia! Especially with such a heavy dose, do you remember the strength that you were smoking? Unfortunately I never had good experiences with Salvia... And I'm not a frantic tripper... I just wanted to let you know that your post reminded me that digging around in my boxes the other day I found 100 hits of acid that I forgot about! Time to disappear into a Vortex of Zen :-), great post by the way!
Wow, how did you forget about that!?! (Don't answer). Glad to be a reminder.
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I used to have a bunch of Salvias before the gestapo had their crackdown and banned them.
I must have given hundreds of them away back in the day.
The funny thing was almost everyone would kill the first one and I had to send them another one. For some people it would not grow no matter how many I sent them or what they did.
Yeah, I'd heard that. Even with the same people sometimes it would work and then other times die almost instantly.
This is right up my alley @samueldouglas. Salvia can indeed be very powerful. It's good to have you on our server.
Thanks @cryptonik. Like I said, I've wanted to write that for a while.
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Interesting post @samueldouglas
Interesting. I must admit I dont believe mixing alcohol and saliva was a wise choice but happy to read someone had your back. I found myself reading and nodding my head in agreeance as sometimes there are no words to describe these experiences. Do you think, now you have this picture in your mind, it would be possible to reach this state/perspective purely through meditation?
You are right - it wasn't a wise choice, and I wouldn't do it quite like that again. And yes, a sitter is, in my opinion, essential for such activities.
I've never quite reached that place through meditation. Though now that I think about it, exactly what sort of meditation makes a difference. I've never had anything like this with mindfulness - but 'striving' for a particular state in mindfulness can be kind of self-defeating. Either way, I would think it's possible.