Around here, we possibly spend an excessive amount of time delving into the human psyche and the odd quirks of the human experience.
After all, both Mrs. Denmarkguy and I have been part of the "Helping/Healing" and mental health industries for a really really long time. As in, since college, and now we are both in our 50's. I'm more of a writer-theoretician, while she's more a hand-on clinician.
It's an old truism that people get involved in mental health because they themselves are all messed up... I guess we "spin" that in a slightly more positive light by saying that people tend to "teach what they need to heal."
The Golden Hour: Grass in the sun...
Meet Your Shadow!
"Come to the DARK side! We've got cookies!"
I think a lot of us are aware that we have a "shadow" side... but we also have a tendency to turn it into a bit of a caricature.
"Oh yeah, totally," we admit, "I'm lazy as hell!" or we might cop to our "impatience" or something similar. And whereas these are definitely good things to be aware of, they are not where our true shadows live.
Which is why Shadow Work is often painful and arduous. Because it tends to take the form of an archaeological dig in parts of our psyches we'd really just as well not look at.
So where is the Shadow?
Well, maybe you really love your partner or spouse... and yet there's something you do from time to time that inevitably ends up hurting their feelings... and you end up with that uncomfortable sensation in your gut at (a) realizing that you know better and (b) then asking yourself "why do I DO that???" once your anger and rationalizations subside a bit.
THAT is where your shadow lies...
Contemplation...
Times of Introspection
Sadly, most people never attain a very high level of self-awareness. We tend to just drift through life on a sort of "cruise control;" what some Eastern spiritual development systems characterize as "living in a trance."
I suppose you could make the argument "And what's wrong with that?" while pointing out that lots of people get trapped in psychobabble and "analysis paralysis." And that certain can be true, if you're just going through the motions without serious intent to actually improve your state of being.
The famous quote "An unexamined life is not worth living" (attributed to Socrates) is both a truism and an exaggeration, at the same time. There are lots of things that make life worth living, and endless self-examination isn't necessarily a panacea for happiness.
Shadow Work is more about finding the buried psychological "land mines" in yourself; those subconscious traits that tend to rear their ugly heads at unfortunate moments, cause pain to both you and others, and often feel like you can't help it when they happen.
Grass at sunset, II
Introspection, Mindfulness and Self-Awareness
Currently, Mrs. Denmarkguy is away on an extended hiatus in Texas, helping a friend get her house cleaned up and ready to sell... but it is also a type of introspective retreat.
Meanwhile, back at home, I am having my own "introspective retreat," examining the emotional impact of yet another closed business... and the emotional impact of pouring your heart, soul and energy into something where "doing your best" was simply not enough. And the subsequent impact that has on my own being a less-than-perfect human being.
Not that I believe perfection is even for a moment anything I can hope to attain!
The Shadow examination begins with acknowledging not only the ways in which I actually was being a shitty person, but additionally having the mindfulness to understand the underlying dynamic that makes that happen.
Of course, that's going to be difference for each and every one of us... but the process of arriving at a point of insight tends to be pretty similar. I won't bore everyone with the gory details here... just point to the fact that periods of quite and deep introspection can be extremely important in the process of helping us identify (and hopefully avoid, in the future!) the various psychological landmines that make our lives difficult and painful for ourselves and others.
Thanks for reading!
How about YOU? Have you done any "shadow work?" Do you have a "dark side" that manifests at unfortunate times and causes havoc for yourself and others, even though you don't WANT it to? Have you worked to deal with that? Comments, feedback and other interaction is invited and welcomed! Because — after all — SOCIAL content is about interacting, right? Leave a comment-- share your experiences-- be part of the conversation!
(As usual, all text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is original content, created expressly for this platform.)
Created at 190617 01:02 PST
1046
I haven't done any «shadow work», really. I have spent some time thinking about things other people have said to me, but they speak from their own perspective, and according to their needs (and perhaps even their shadow sides), so it doesn't always bring me any enlightenment. I like to think that I know myself, but the «Why do I DO that?!» question has remained more or less unanswered. I guess it is a question we tend to shrug off to avoid being uncomfortable, but reading about it like this at least made me remember that we all have sides we do not want to see, so perhaps it's not that dangerous to dive into ourselves? Thanks for the article!
It's kind of a hard to answer question now you've thrown me into a thought whirlpool...
I still don't really get what a "shadow work" is, but it is not really hard to find myself sitting somewhere and ask "is it even possible to be a more terrible version of me". Although most of the times the idea just fades away after I realize that I have more deadlines to catch and a lot more other stuff to actually work on, it gets hidden and sometimes it comes up again...never ending cycle.
You can only fully stop a force if you try to stop it from a directly opposing direction (it's true according to physics), so maybe it is really important to really think through the whole thing again...
At 70 I've learned a few things about myself, changed a few things, added a few things, and questioned a few things that I'm still not sure of. I guess I'm still a work in progress but basically happy.
I keep meaning to stop by. I never see you on discord but sooner or later I remember to stop in and comment. (do you ever get on discord anymore)
We all have a dark side and I am no mental health professional but believe it resides within the ego, which we must keep in check. :)