I have been thinking about this a lot in regards to a change in my diet and quitting other bad habits, coming back again and again to the same behaviors, aware of the act but unwilling to divert, I wonder "can I really change"? I think I can but these long-term habits are difficult to break, engrained by myself in my mind since my youth.
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I struggle with my diet which I think comes from childhood and to break the cycle takes a lot of effort. even though I recognise it as a compulsion, it is very sneaky and hides behind a hundred veils of excuse.
Yes, exactly, the veils of excuse. When one excuse doesn't work, the mind tries another. It's a battle for control, and in those moments it feels like there's really two beings inside my body.