This article builds upon my previous post about the paradox of trust.
@ngans asked me if there are different levels of trust when it comes to sharing and trusting strangers and close people. There are of course various types and levels of trust but today I would like to discuss with you a very specific and experienced by most of you type of trust – oversharing.
Introduction
As the world rapidly changes, we are changing too – our views of the world, our moral and social understandings, our expectations of other people, our relationships.
It’s disturbing how nowadays with all the technologies and almost free unlimited opportunities to connect with each other there are so many misunderstood and lonely people. Perhaps that could be justified by the fact that for some people this change might be too rapid and they fail to adapt adequately to it. With the introduction of smartphones, social media, instant messages etc. it would not be wrong to say that in the past decade we’ve undergone a revolution in communication and relationships with others. While back in the days nobody talked about their shameful and private experiences, today we have entire reality shows where you observe 24/7 not only one, but a whole group of people. Online media and newspapers are full with ‘scandals’ and paparazzi photos and videos of private experiences of other people.
Vulnerability and Oversharing
You don’t have to be a psychologist in order to be asked by other person for an advice about certain behavior or relationship. If you are the one asking, it’s perfectly okay also – the act of asking questions is an indicator of self-reflection and analysis of your own thoughts and actions.
Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing more therapeutic than sharing thoughts and experiences with other people. After all we are ‘social animals’, remember? ;)
Vulnerability is a quality that connects people and brings them closer together. It’s the first step towards a strong and genuine relationship. Being authentic and expressive about your emotions and experience could be beneficial for you and the people around you. But there are people who cannot contain their impulse to communicate and share information an experiences with other people. And by other people I mean both strangers and known individuals. I bet we all have that one friend or two who always shares everything of their life on Facebook.
So, where is the line between private information and one that could be shared with others?
Today for most people such line does not exist. If you are not one of these people it’s important for you to understand how to recognize people who overshare information with you and why they do it.
Some people use oversharing as a dysfunctional way to connect with other individuals. Most of the times these people do not know why exactly they behave this way and cannot control this compulsive behavior. But there are others who intentionally overshare information and flood you with their personal problems just to feel significant and gain some sympathy from you. This could be considered as a well-played manipulation, especially if it is in a situation, which would put you in disadvantage.
Sometimes oversharing is the result of inadequate mechanism to engage in conversation and establish a good connection with someone. By oversharing one might hope to have established a ground for reciprocity which in his mind is a healthy thing to do. Often people who are incapable to connect properly with other people do not have strong and genuine relationships and people who they can call friends. So oversharing is their mechanism to cope and survive as a social animal in this jungle of constant communication.
Oversharing by strangers
Some of the above mentioned reasons apply to oversharing by strangers also. But there are some additional points which might be motives for these people to act this way. While oversharing from people close to you might find a positive and constructive outcome, oversharing from strangers might lead to awkward and unsatisfying situations – leaving you helpless and confused how to react to it.
Why strangers overshare?
For some people it’s enough that you are already in their personal space or that you have established a physical contact with them. They might not even know your name, but being ‘physically close to each other’ could trigger the impulse of oversharing. I think that most of us have been ‘a victim’ of an oversharing person in the train, bus, airplane, local supermarket etc.
Of course being strangers to each other gives the oversharing person a false sense of protection, because in your face he or she sees an anonymous person who might never meet again. So they use the moment with you to share personal and maybe embarrassing information as a cheap alternative to therapy.
Dealing with oversharing people
If the person is close to you it would be easy to be straightforward and honest with the person. Make them ask themselves questions like:
Why would I be sharing this with that person?
What outcomes am I expecting?
What are my motives? Are they to create a strong and genuine connection, or just to use the person as a listener?
Do I actually care about his or her opinion or am I just sharing this to gain something?
Questions like this will trigger their ability to self-reflect and hopefully it might even have long-term effects, if the person actually wants to change.
Conclusion
As I already said, oversharing is a ‘phenomenon’ in our communication with others, common to most of us. If some of you has experienced it or is an oversharing person I hope that this post was useful to you and after reading it you are one step closer to recognize it next time you or someone overshares information with you.
If you found this аrticle interesting, pleаse upvote аnd resteem. If you hаve аny questions, or you would like to know more аbout а certаin аspect of this topic, let me know in the comments.Thаnk you for your аttenton.
Sources:
[1] Vulnerability Vs. Over-sharing: Where to Draw the Line?
[2] OVERSHARING: WHY WE DO IT AND HOW TO STOP
[3] There Is A Clear Line Between Oversharing And Being Authentic -- Here's How To Avoid Crossing It
Pictures:
This is a test comment, notify @kryzsec on discord if there are any errors please.
Being A SteemStem Member
Thank you for oversharing😀. But seriously, I can relate to everything you said. As I sit here, sipping on a cup of hot coffee and nibbling on chocolate cookies, I can totally relate to what it means to overshare. I'm doing now, am I not? :)
I must confess that I'm guilty of oversharing sometimes. But I do it deliberately to make people I just met to feel relaxed and believe that they know me whereas, all the things I share with them are really just basic information they could have learned through any other means. Otherwise, I never overshare. You could say I'm a pretty reticent person.
I did not know you are a psychologist. Now you are my new favourite steemian because I looove psychology. It is good to see you on your turf.
Hahaha, nice puns!
I'm so glad that you can relate to this post. We all do a bit of oversharing from time to time and of course there's a 'healthy' limit.
Thank you for your kind words, you can are always welcome on my page :)
Thank you for replying. I am glad that my oversharing does not make me a psycho :) I will be visiting often. All the best.
I know this is only barely connected to the topic, but I wanted to say that social media have offered a court to people whose ideas should have never left the bar and drunk people...
Amen.
I was not expecting this answer... :D
But it's true and I totally agree :)
even though it's not related to the post
kind of unrelated. If you really want, you can find a little connection (otherwise, I would have muted myself :) )
Maybe I would do a post about the aspect that you refer to and copy paste your comment there :D
Please do. This is, I think, a well-known thing by reasonable people.
You touch on some very interesting concepts! Love to keep seeing your work :)
Same goes for you :)
I really don't know why, but I tend to end up in situations like this so many times. Be it at a bar, a friends party or workplaces - somehow people start to speak about a crazy amount of personal stuff, regardless how well we know each other. It's really hard to deal with these situations, because you don't want to offend the person who is talking to you, but you don't really feel comfortable with it either.
Sometimes, I feel, like I'm in some kind of sitcom, because the whole situation is so absurd :/
I find myself in those same situations! But because I am a psychologist, I'm used to say that I have some kind of tag on my forehead saying "Feel free to share! It's my job to listen!" :D Most of times, I get late to wherever I'm going because I don't want to be rude also and stop whatever the person is saying... But on the other hand, as I live in a small village, it's good to hear what people have to say, you get to know a lot about the community and the village :) So I usually listen for a while and then say "Sorry I'm running late now!" :D
We are social animals, so sharing is part of our nature, but then there should be a limit to what you share
Yeah.. Oversharing is annoying..
Good post! I also often find myself in a situation where being over shared with. About how to deal with it, I'd also suggest to start with sharing your own feelings of being uncomfortable. It's surprisingly disarming to someone who's just going on and on and on about their stuff. And while I'm on the topic of people who just go on and on, never forget the magic phrase: "Sorry to interrupt". If you use that and go right into how uncomfortable you're feeling, that's a good way to lay the groundwork for all the questions you suggest in that section. Thanks!
Hahaha, nice strategy! Thanks for the comment :)
Very good explanation, sometimes we felt the same
Thanks
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I don't speak this language sorry
@dysfunctional I really loved this post. As an introvert I find it awkward when strangers overshare and have always wondered why... this post explains it well - keep it up!
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Thanks!
Great article @dysfunctional! Following you! :) Over sharing happens to me all the time: at the bus station, at the supermarket, on my way to work or to my daughter's kindergarten...
I think it also depends on how we have approached the person. It's easier for the other to start talking if we are smiley, nice, polite and open to start a conversation (those pauses in the dialogue that we usually do). When I'm late and I don't even look properly at the person's face, I can tell that the person feels uncomfortable to start talking.
Never thought about this and it makes complete sense! If we don't know each other, the person sharing will think I'm not going to judge her, so she's comfortable to talk about whatever is bothering her at that time!
Thank you for your thoughts. I am glad you found this article useful :)
Nice
I must say that am an oversharer. I often just do it because I get excited and want others to share in my excitement.
VEry interesting read
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experience :)
Very interesting. It's true that social media is a very tempting way to get attention for dramatic, shocking, scandalous things. I try to resist because somehow I'm usually able to convince myself it would be a bad idea in one way or another. Also, I cringe at so many things other people post, so I try not to imitate them - but I definitely feel the impulse! Thanks!
Thank you for your comment :)