Thank you, Abi, for your kind response.
It is easier for us people to trade guilty for accepted when we see that others around us are doing it that way. I am glad that you were able to do it. Thank you for your example with the mother and her children, it is very helpful to know such things. People always have good reasons for their actions or omissions, often it is difficult to see the background if you don't ask.
I have not yet written directly about grief on my blog, only indirectly. The lectures and other sources are mostly in German, I only remember two doctors - I'm not sure if you haven't already mentioned the one - Rick Strassman is his name, if I remember correctly, who does research with LSD. The other is Gabor Mate, a Canadian doctor.
I think the most important thing is to have confidence in each other, that if someone has a death to lament, that he may take unusual measures to deal with grief and not be alienated by it. Sometimes it's not possible to ask them why, unless you're very sensitive and open, because people can't always give reasons because they're still in the middle of processing them.
I hug you too, my dear. Receive my best wishes to you and your family :)