Today I want to talk to you about an issue I battled in my past and have seen many friends, colleagues etc. struggling with. The same crippling feeling. It is called 'Atychiphobia', but in this little piece I will refer to it as 'Fear of Failure' or 'FoF'.
I struggeld with FoF for most of my adult life. When I started studying I became really afraid of failing exams, taking the next steps in my career and also in my personal life. It is a terrible feeling. It cripples you. Of course failure means something different for every person. The shortcomings of one, can be great achievements for something else and vice versa. So it is a fear you can't really measure, like the fear of spiders for example. FoF stops you in achieving your goals and moving forward in life - but what is the cause for FoF ?
Many say that unsupportive parents are mainly a reason they developed this fear, others feel that they once failed an assignment, got embarassed in front of their friends etc. and this led them to developing this fear. I believe there are many different reasons. Each person has their own story and somewhere in there they developed this fear.
There are several signs that you suffer from FoF. In my case, for instance, I realized that I would always run out of time for my assignments because I would procrastinate. When there was only a day left I sabotaged myself by saying I would only want to hand something in, for example, that is perfect.
You see self sabotaging is one main symptom of FoF. I would, secretly, always have in the back of my head that the things work i will deliver won't be good enough. Then I would just do something else and call a meeting or something else off. After that I would always feel terrible. When you want to sleep you lie in bed and curse yourself for standing in your own way. And the terrible thing is, the next time you will do it all over again.
So what to do against FoF and how do you get rid of it?
There are several things you can do. Each person might choose a different method. I will list some things that helped me a lot:
1. Think more positively!
I know it sounds cheesy but it helped me the most. Don't think about what you can't do, think about all the things you can do. Just keep a positive attitude. For example, if you have some essay to write: Sit down, make yourself comfortable, put on some music that helps you focus and start working with a feeling that you will nail this assignment. You will be surprised how much difference a positive attitude makes!
2. Set small goals!
Let's say you want to become a doctor. Don't tell yourself that you will have succeded when you run your own successful doctors office! It is always a bad idea to set goals that are too far in the future. You will always feel like a failure because on the way to your dream office you will (in your mind) achieve nothing. Take small steps! You have an exam coming up? Focus on that. A lot of small steps are much easier to take than one giant leap - and it feels a lot more rewarding.
3. Think about the potential outcome!
We are afraid because we don't know what will happen. That was one of my biggest problems. I couldn't do anything because I wasn't really thinking about what would happen if I fail/succeed. Mapping things out helps a lot here. Make some sort of roadmap for your life if you want. In my case it helped me a lot focusing on the tasks at hand.
4. Be aware of the worst case scenario!
I know it sounds terrifying. But it will really help. What will happen if I don't deliver at work? Will i get fired? Will my wife leave me and my kids hate me? If you analyze the worst case outcome of certain situations I often times came to the same conclusion:
Life doesn't end if you fail!
Failure is just part of life. You have to know that. Nobody in the history of mankind has never failed at something. Thinking about this helped me getting rid of unnecessary pressure I had put on my shoulders and working on things feels much easier.
I hope these little tips help you if you deal with FoF. In my case they did. And I can truly say I never felt so good in my entire life. Get rid of that fear and start living!
If you have some things to add, please do so in the comment section below! I would appreciate it.
Greetings,
ggorwell
P.S.: Not a native, sorry for eventual mistakes.
Thinking about the same issue the last couple of days and wrote also a post about it. It's a problem that so many of us know but only few people talk about it. Thank you for sharing your experience!
Cool - I will check it out!
A short annotation.
Failure is necessarily part of everyone's life.
Nobody likes to failure. But it happens over and over again.
Ship maybe point 5: Accept failure as inevitable and learn to get along with it.
:-)
Yes very good fifth point! Mentioned it kind off under 4. but would have been better to make a new point. Thank you!
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