For some people, childhood is the best time of their life, but there are those who remembered the horror of this time because of the bad luck of having terrible parents. Of course, the bad relationships that these people have had as children with their parents are preserved throughout their lives and often brings them many problems as adults. These are people who have failed to build a mature personality and develop a true human personality. For this reason, they constantly seek confirmation of their value in others. They don't pay attention the the feelings of other because they believe in themselves to be better than them in every respect. But for their role in the queue, there are many types of camouflage that can be used for a very special occasion.
Narcissistic people need a "narcissistic resource" to nurture their impaired image of their own personality by using a spouse, a partner, a friend, a family member for that purpose. The most common victims are their children, as they are hierarchically placed in a lower position and are still in growth and development, so it is impossible for them to put barriers. This allows the narcissistic parents to manipulate and control the being dependent upon them as they wishes. Being in the role of such a "resource" is not easy because one of the signs of narcissistic personality disorder is the inability to sympathize with others. To express sympathy, every narcissist can be very convincing, but he really can not sympathize, but merely mimics. Many become psychologists, doctors, working in charities to keep their reflection of the savior. In reality, however, other people are simply inanimate puppets or scenery that scare them if they can not establish complete control over them. Those who are raised by narcissistic parents often live with the feeling of being lost or injured. Such parents instil a constant sense of guilt in their children and make them constantly doubt themselves and the world around them. They happen to resort to domestic violence to control their resources but most of them are confined to emotional blackmail and psychological pressure. They are not able to understand the needs of others, can not tolerate other disadvantages, and easily ignore the problems of their loved ones. They like to pretend to be anxious, but they often humiliate people with their indulgent care, and if they do not get it, they immediately turn to accused and harsh criticism. Narcissistic parents are usually two types. The absorbing narcissus is the parent who sees you as a part of himself, almost as a continuation of your own body and constantly trying to control your life, never taking into account the fact that you are a separate person. The ignorant narcissus is the parent who has no interest in being a parent, and everything related to his child is simply an annoying obligation. Seeing the difference between your needs and desires and your own, he will always prefer to satisfy his own. He's almost not interested in what's going on in his child's life unless it can be beneficial to him.
Signs of being raised by narcissistic parents:
They control you through dependence. If one of the parents constantly repeats "I need you" or "can not live without you" to the child, it is a clear sign of a narcissistic parent. Such parents manipulate their children to be always at their disposal and do everything they can to make them feel obliged. In any way, they prevent even the slightest manifestation of independence, initiative and independence. Such a parent will do his best to prevent his child from becoming an adult, no matter how old he is. They often induce guilt. "You will never appreciate how much I have done for you!" Is the favorite sentence of such parents that seeks to make their heir do something they do not really want, without being interested in the causes or feelings. parents use the blame as a lever to manipulate their children and direct their behavior to their desired direction.Nationalists always look for reward for everything they have done at some point in their lives for another person and they always use it as a weapon when wishing to p obtain them something, even without the consent of the other party. You get love from them only when you do what they want. The favorite play of narcissistic parents is giving and taking of love. Do everything you want unmolested and ready! You get love. If you refuse, stay and watch how you take it back. So they inflate the meaning of their own value and the feelings they give to others, and they show you that they have the power to do with you and your emotions as they wish. The system of awards and punishments they exercise in the field of feelings is the best tool for manipulating the surrounding, and above all helpless, victims such as children.
They compete with you in a strange way. Every time you come up with a new dress or hairstyle, narcissistic parents will think of something better to turn the focus of attention on themselves. It is extremely painful for these people to focus their attention away from them. Even if you just take the floor, if you are in a group of people, they will hurry to take it away, so that they can show up. All your achievements turn into your parents' achievements. Narcissistic parents regularly use their children as an opportunity to increase their own ego and magnify their image in the face of others. For example, if their child has won a race, they will always find a way to turn things around in such a way that they look like their success, such as commenting on something like: "he has inherited his athleticism from me"; or "well, it was me to wake him up so early every time for training." But either way anything you do is never enough. Either it is not good enough or is not important enough, so besides growing up with the idea that you are not "sufficient" you have not many options. They lie and do not keep their promises. Narcissist parents love to keep their children "on the edge" so they are never sure what will happen. Like what they will do after an hour or tomorrow. This is another way they manipulate and control. If they constantly displace the truth, they lie, give vain promises and trap you, if you feel you can never trust what they say, surely you have narcissistic parents. Not to mention that they either never show their true feelings or thoughts, or overexposed their negative ones, to make you understand how 'unfair you treat them' and "how much pain you have caused them". In case you ask them to do something, they will do the exact opposite of what you asked for. In this way, they affirm their own personality and show you that you can not tell them what to do. Routine insults and threats. Narcissistic parents tend to use humiliation, embarrassment in their child, and a sense of inconvenience as a means of control. These are extremely unpleasant parents who use insults, threats to achieve a manipulative advantage. They react critically to criticism. At one point, of course, children feel the need to fight against their parents. If you had narcissistic parents, you know that criticizing in any form is a bad idea. Because they will explode, scream or start offending you ugly. No matter how careful your criticism is, they will never think about your words, but will regard them as an act of hostility towards their personality.
Sigh I know the type, intimately. Still negotiating, in my middle age, how best to deal with them, and how not to become like them...
Many thanks, for this illuminating post, @godflesh & I’m sorry you had to suffer what you did, to know it so well. I wonder if your (over)achievement, as a writer/reader/thinker is in part a response to being a child of Narcissists — as a form of escape, building boundaries & even your impossible attempt to gain their elusive approval?
Thanks for the comment. :)
I have the same struggle and fear as you not to become like them.
And yes this is one of the things t to create my own world. But not, the only thing. Some of the other things is the inability to fit into the world and the pursuit, through knowledge, in some way to reach it. It is really difficult and complex question. But to some extent these things are connected. :)
Yes, of course, not it's not the only consideration, but connected, as you say. As Freud says, 'before the problem of the creative artist analysis must, alas, lay down its arms.' Wishing you continued success in your noble pursuit, my friend :)
You made it easier for me to spot a narcissist. I used to think these are so rare, looks like the population has alot of them. With signs revealed we can easily spot them. Such posts help.
How it's unfortunate to be raised by narcissistic parents. It can affect your self steem.
My parents are narcissistic and somewhat the observations are from my personal experience. Thank you for the comment. :)
How tough living with them can be. Guess since they are your parents it's much easier to understand and adjust to help them.
I think it's very difficult even impossible to fix them. The thoughts they listen are only theirs. Tips, other viewpoints go like shadows through their minds. This is their instinct nature, I think they cant see the problem.
This is so sad.
Do you think there is a point in telling the narcissistic parents that this is not the right way to raise a child?
Also, I read somewhere that it is good to basically "break up" with these parents once you've become a grown up, but how can someone do something like that...
My personal experience is that this kind of parents cant realise what they do. It is their nature and maybe they think it is right. And to some extent, I think the decision is a bit cruel if you want to get rid of them. But if they realize what they are doing, I think there is hope. :)
@godflesh
Generally this would invoke a degree of joking which generally goes along with this topic, but when you look at it closely it is probably quite serious for those who are actually experiencing this.
I was fortunate enough to escape that statistic, but have always been very interested in the psychology behind personalities and common dramas that people display.
Great post
stay blessed.
Yes, you are right about the joking :D but as Leo Tolstoy writes in Anna Karenina:“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
Hello it is not easy for any child to be raised by some parents so the most important thing in the family is respect and love, everything in life is a chain to the best in childhood, they were also victims and is the model to follow,It is very important not to hold a grudge in this type of situation and to thank God for the parents who gave us whatever they are, they gave us their lives and I say this from my own experience
@LindaAguila
Very interesting . I just wrote sometimg like this on my steemit blog. Thank you for sharing
Okey I will check it. Cheers! :)
An interesting post.
Thanks :)
A struggle to get a rainbow, the result is amazing.
Yep :)
This post has received gratitude of 4.82 % from @appreciator thanks to: @godflesh.
so mine has the two types of narcissistic parents. and she's only one but has the two type. so early in the morning and i almost want to vomit with this new information!
i dont get that i need you or can't live without you words...
what i get is 'where are you, why aren't you home yet, its better you are home get some sleep, you haven't had dinner or lunch with me for a quite sometime, why are you spending so much time outside, can your friends help you, can they make you rich?!!!' and more and more and more ways to get me to just stay at home but work for a large company and be filthy rich!
and yes!!!!!, that speech of me being so ungrateful and thats the reason why i have never achieved so much because i was ungrateful!!!!
i get that so many ****** times!!!
yes and my sense of make up which is very simple, will look like i lack makeup, and when ive put in more, will look like, i've put soooooo much, and its not even appropriate anymore, blah blah blah, and frustrating (but sounds funny to others) because all she wanted was just to wipe my eyebrows a little bit so i don't like INDEPENDENT or STRONG WOMAN. whaaaat???!!! that was the 'too much'?!!!
all my achievements or whatever i am working on to achieve, should be because it was her idea or she's included in the process or at least her words of wisdom which is never words of wisdom but always to discourage you from being in it, and never mind getting to the finish line!
especially if she's not into what you want.
insults day and night plus every meal!
and then she wonders why im not around?!!!!
sometimes i want to so badly get married and so that i can just get away from this house.
its so realistic and practical and that i don't have to explain myself, because im getting married.
but then, she'll ask, does he have money for both of u, can he offer everything ive offered you, that guy looks so naive and young or immature for you, looks like he can't or doesn't have potential to earn money, and the list of judgemental ways goes on!
im so tired.
i like songs 'in the end' by linkin park.