hello @abigail-dantes u put up such a quality content and i must thank you for that. Recently, I've been so down and i find it hard reading long posts. its either i get bored and leave it or i get sleepy while reading but I cant say that for this post because i got really engaged, I don't know maybe its because of the current problem my family is faced with.
I must start like this, sadness and depression are what my family is going through at the moment. This post has awaken my 'my crying spirit' i must confess. Reading it has put me back in my ''thinking state'' I'm sorry to say this but its the truth.
The sudden death of my beloved grandfather(maternal) is a big blow to the family, tho the burial ceremony is coming up this Friday. Grandpa
was a kind and loving man. when he was alive, he was known as a man of immense generosity, he wouldn't see anyone in need and ignore that person even if it meant giving out his 'last card'. he was a man of wisdom and a God fearing man. i still cant comprehend why death is so wicked, it should have left my grandpa alive for us. crying. but no p, God gives and God takes.
Tho its a normal thing for everyone to feel depressed and sad but my grandma's own is excess, she cries bitterly almost everyday since he dies in late October 2017. she keeps saying '' he died before his time''. I pity her so much. sometimes she tells me stories about his stay on Earth, narrating most of his good deeds to people, suddenly she starts crying uncontrollably. This touches my innermost soul, I wish I could help her.
I believe its a normal thing for women to cry over their dead husband but i think this one is getting too much. I have made calls to my aunts and uncles telling them to provide a solution because me myself cant take it any longer. I dnt know whether to classify it under MILD or SEVERE depression, you tell me. People see her outside and think she's gotten over it but i tell you its keeps getting worst daily. And that brings me to a question I kept for you while reading the post, ''do u support repressive coping'' ?
Thanks for the educative post, i was able to share this experience with u with hopes that i might get help. I just hope granny is still in the mild depression state.
Hi @happymichael :)
Thank you very much for your nice words about the post. I am very glad to hear it has inspired you somehow.
I am so sorry to hear about your grandfather. Life is truly very hard sometimes! I have also lost family members that I loved, and it took me quite a while to recover from the loss. So, let's first talk a bit about your Granny. You are quite right! It is only natural that she is upset but what I see here is that she is a very lucky lady for having a grandson who loves and cares for her.
It would be so good if Granny could talk less about her late husband. You know this reminds me of what psychologists call ruminating. This is when the client just goes on and on repeatedly about the things that make him or her upset. When this is all they think of it is really difficult for them to overcome their sadness. In a clinical setting, what the psychologist normally does is the following: ok, you can talk about what is upsetting you, but you have also got to talk about what makes you feel good. This is something you could start doing with Granny! Also, taking her outside, watching tv, etc ... and reminding her of all the beautiful things in her life. This can be a very slow process, but it will help her and the family to move on :)
As for your question about 'repressive coping'. Well, this is not a question that I can answer with either 'Yes, I support', or 'No, I don't support it'. Because, it depends on each individual. Sometimes, the same person can adopt this strategies to deal with difficulties and it works for them; but sometimes not. For example, I have been through things that made me sad in which I adopted the repressive coping strategy and worked for me; but in some others, I needed to have a little cry. The important thing to have in mind is not to be afraid of your own emotions. If you need to have a little cry, do it (with a friend, or in private - whenever you feel more comfortable), if you can just go through your pain without showing this emotions, do it. But, only you can tell and know what is healthier for you :)
I wish you, your granny and all your family all the best :)
hello @abigail-dantes i hope you are doing ok tonight? And you are welcome.
Firstly, I will like to thank you greatly for your condolences. I'm also really sorry for the loved ones u've lost in the past. Losing loved ones is an unpleasant experience and a thing that touches the soul, it destabilises a person. But thank God for people like you who are there to profer help, its indeed a marvelous thing, knowing you.
Thank you also for your kind words about me, if I were a girl, I would have said I'm blushing right now, 'lol'. Your words inspire me a lot. I am so glad I came across this post, and as for this, i can never stop visiting your blog, never! you have helped me, I wish u knew how I'm feeling right now.
I will surely use your remedy for granny. And if it works, hopefully, I will come back with my heart full of joy to express my gratitude. Not only that, I will also come with Granny's thanks and blessings, because when all this is finally over, i must tell her about u and I'm positive that she would shower blessings upon you. thanks again for your good wishes towards my family and I, I wish you the same.
@abigail-dantes your reply has put a smile on my face, not the fake smile I've been putting for a long time since papa died but a real genuine one. thank you so much, may God repay you.
And as for your reply as regards my question, I asked that for a reason. according to your post, you said that Repressive coping is; "basically hiding ones sadness and feelings, but 'ploughing through the situation." And i said I must be clarified on something. Thing is, for those people adopting it, isn't it unhealthy for them to hide sadness, especially when it takes longer time to heal, as there is a saying that "a problem shared is a problem halved" that is why I support having a confidant, someone u can share your sorrow with, rather than 'ploughing through the situation' alone and dying silently. What do you say?
Hello @happymichael :)
Your words are so very kind. Thank you!
I can see you are quite intrigued by repressive coping. One thing we have to understand in Psychology is the individuality of people. For example, while for some people crying and sharing their emotions make them feel better, for others, it makes them feel worse! Or, they just simply cannot. Does this make them bad people or insensitive? Absolutely not! Don't forget here we are talking about strategies that actually work for people, and not things that make them suffer in silence.
Maybe if I give you an example of a relative of mine this will become clearer for you. He is my cousin. He was engaged for 5 years and finally got married. They had a beautiful wedding and moved in to a lovely house they had been building together. 4 months later he turned up in his parent's house with his car filled with his personal belongings. All he said was that he was no longer his wife's husband, that he was going to divorce her.
Can you believe he never talked about it? And, although his mother heard him crying a couple of times he never complained about her or about what happened or anything. The family just decided to let him to be. For nearly 10 months he was not the same guy, because he used to tell jokes, laugh, spend time in the garden with the family. For almost 10 months he just worked, spoke very little, he gained weight etc... no one ever talked about his ex. Everyone respected his choice. He wanted to have his 'me' time. Whether he cried every night in his bedroom, we don't know.
One day, when everyone was going out to a BBQ. He said: 'I am coming, too!' and that was it. Little by little he went back to being his old-self again. He totally 'ploughed through his pain'. It worked for him. But that was his choice. He had the entire family to share his pain with, but from what he felt that would actually make him feel worse.
We are all different! :) If you feel you need to talk to someone, talk to someone. If you feel you need to cry. Cry. The most sensible thing to do is to respect your own needs and feelings. This is what will help you overcome your distress.
All the best to you :)
What type of being are u @abigail-dantes. You are just so wonderful in all aspect. What! Taking your time to read the lenghty comments of your commenters. And also replying with lenghty messages carrying suitable solutions. Men, I cant say u are an ordinary being, You are an EXTRA ORDINARY BEING to me.. Woah! This is gorgeous. Thank you for every thing..
And more importantly, I now comprehend what repressive coping means now. Thanks for clearing me.. The scenerio u gave made It so easy for me to undestand And I'm glad your cousin moved on at last, but how he was able to not talk about it to anyone is really surprising. Hes strong.
Lastly, I must confess, your attitude is worthy of emulation. I really wish to meet u in person. God created u on a Sunday.
❤️😊
Im thanking u from the bottom of my heart .. I wish you all the best too.
Hello @happymichael, I am going to come back and reply to your comment tomorrow evening. ok? It is my bed time now and I want to read your comment with full attention :)
no problem.